The old are they" real or just wannabees" question. For the most part you will find that most people who are into BDSM are a pretty above average bunch. We communicate well, we show a lot of respect in our dealings with each other, in fact we are pretty easy to get along with. If you have not found people such as this, then you do need to look elsewhere. To fully appreaciate this lifestyle you need to find people who can earn your trust and respect. They are out there.