It has potential, kmkn. I like it, but I'm not quite sure where it's going. Is the girl going to end up a 'slave' to her boss? What's going to happen?
Here's my suggestion; try contacting the moderator or Tourguide, and ask him to move this thread to the 'story ideas' section of the forums. Othr authors visit there more often that they visit this section; this section is for authros who have stories posted to this site to respond to feedback. I you're looking for ideas to develop your story, or a 'round-robin type story wher everyone writes a little section, perhaps the more widely-trafficked 'Story Ideas' thread would be a better place to air your idea.
And welcome to the Forums! Your presence is appreciated, and we hope you'll find reasons to come back!