Quote Originally Posted by Eclipsed
But i have a question? When you ask someone about their experience, such as their level of experience, can o/l exp translate the same way to r/t? Should they say, yes but only online or can they just lump it all together?
Hiya Eclipsed,

I feel VERY strongly that people should be specific about their experience levels, in order to avoid getting hurt or hurting someone else. So, yes, I think it should be categorized when someone discusses their experience...like I would say something like I've dabbled in the scene most of my life, but really got serious about 3 or 4 years ago, at which time I did a lot of research and have been involved in r/t activities for about 3 years, and online for about 2.

If it's a dom answering the question, he or she should also be willing to tell you what tools they have r/t experience using, how they learned, etc. You don't want someone w/ 30 yr.s of o/l experience using a crop or whip on your ass and taking out a kidney by mistake, ya know? And I'd prefer someone who's practiced his aim on pillows or with a mentor before he has access to me.

midnightsky's post is an excellent example of my point actually...IMO, a sub would be crazy to play with a "domme" that thinks bloodplay is okay, but can't figure out handcuffs...or anyone who makes a comment like "bdsm doesn't look hard". So, yes, please, please have potential partners clarify their amount of experience before you even think about playing with them r/t.

And midnightsky, you raise a tough question...I guess I would say it depends how much you care about the friend. I would sit her down and have a long talk with her, come prepared with references for her even, and tell her that I don't want to offend, but I also can't sit by and watch her turn into the most dangerous kind-of domme there is...one with no knowledge, but plenty of confidence/arrogance when it comes to her ability level. I don't mean to sound harsh, but as you seem to know, bdsm is a continual learning process. She sounds like she hasn't even started learning yet, nor does she appear to see the need to do so. I am terrified to think of the amount of damage she could do to an unknowing sub, and consequently to herself from the repercussions of her careless actions. I think she's very lucky to have you as a concerned friend and I hope you'll strongly consider explaining some of the trust and responsibility issues inherent to good, conscientious bdsm.

Sorry if I've been too harsh with this post, but ignorance and arrogance are a terrifying combination to me.

eb

oh, and a p.s. since Andrew snuck in ahead of me...

good post, AB, I completely agree...you have to separate the wheat from the chaff whether o/l or r/t.