Quote Originally Posted by jaeangel
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That was my crossroad. I buried my submissive urges deep inside, flung myself into my work and ignored all men until I met my husband 5 years ago when we were both working for a local department store.
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I started exploring my sexuality more and more, and eventually I told him about my fascination with BDSM. He's totally vanilla, but he understood that sexual urges are hard to ignore, and he got me a computer so I could satisfy my BDSM appetite, or so he puts it. I've been hanging around here on the forums, reading posts and stories for the last year or so, but only this year did I start posting here and writing stories. Now Hubby and I are trying to find a dominant female to come over once in a while and 'play' with us/me. He admits that having me kneeling at the feet of another male, a Master, isn't a big turn on for him, but the idea of seeing me submit to a dominant female intrigues him, so we are currently trying to find a female Domme in our area.
My wife and I share a similar story. (Is there a book out there on how to be an abuser?) Her father was a minister, mother a school teacher. Pillars of the community, small town on the Great Plains. Mother gave her broken toes and fingers, broken ribs, bruises, etc. as part of her discipline. Father knew of this and did nothing. Much more to the story, but suffice it to say, this was a major part of childhood. Her first marriage, of course, started out with a two-year honeymoon period, then 10 years of every abuse possible. She finally got up the courage to kick him out. We met in an abused-spouse help group, and it's been 17 years now. Finally, last 13 or so years she allowed 100% of her desires to be known. She, too, wanted a strong male to dominate her.

The abuse is hard as a memory. I can't tell you how many hours I spent just holding her as she cried. But the D/s life has allowed her to blossom, not just sexually but in every phase of her life. She is more assertive, more loving, a better parent, and happy.

Burying those memories will take time, and help. You are fortunate indeed to have found a good man, a solid relationship. Sending good thoughts your way to help you on your long road.

chksng