I read a lot, as a little girl. As a military brat, we moved around a lot, and I was too shy to make friends instantly, as my sister seemed to be able to do. So I took refuge with the only friends I knew would never leave me; my books. Starting with those fairy tales of princesses trapped in towers with mean stepmothers and handsome princes, and then, when I got older, more advanced reading, like 'The Little Princess' and Sherlock Holmes and Shakespeare. My father got out of the military when I was about six, and went into selling computers to the Army, and so started traveling a lot, which was when everything started falling apart. My mother, unable to handle the long months without my Dad, lashed out at the only people who were close enough to reach; me and my sister. We got bare-but beatings with a stick, forced to stand or kneel for hours, sometimes days, in the corner of her room without sleep, sometimes with but often without clothes, forced to hold our waste until we couldn't hold it anymore and wet ourselves, then had to clean ourselves up with her watching. I hated it at the time, but when I hit puberty (i.e. my first period) at seven, and sexual hormones came into play, I started fantasizing about a strong male personality doing these things to me instead of my mother. The fantasy helped me deal with an otherwise almost unbearable reality. My sister had friends with whom she could escapeon the weekends or after school; I didn't, so I got a good deal of it.
Thinking and fantasizing about that male figure got me in trouble later on. I started going out with (secretly, since Mom wouldn't have approved) a boy who was 18 when I was 14 and in my first year of high school, by which time my Dad was gone permanently. I haven't seen him since January of '93. He cornered me on the back steps to the library one afternoon after school and beat me up and raped me. I was too ashamed to tell Mom, and too afraid of him and what his parents might do if I brought it up. He's cousin to a certain blonde heiress who's been on TV a lot recently, and even at the age of 14 I understood that money talked. So I kept my mouth shut and let one of my friends' moms take me to a clinic to have an abortion a month later.
I had enough of my Mom and moved out of her house and in with a boyfriend right out of high school. He introduced me to BDSM for the first time. He was into pain, and the pain of a whipping from him fit right in along with the stuff Mom did to me and what I'd fantasized about. After one of our scenes he'd be really nice, very gentle and loving, and I thought this was how it was supposed to be. I decided then that I wanted to be a lifestyle BDSM'er. Then one night he brought home a bunch of his friends, they got drunk, and he tried to force me to do his dog. I refused; it horrified me. He lost his temper, dragged me outside and tied me up outside and gave me a whipping that scarred me; then he tied me up outside all night. The next morning a bee stung me and I went into anaphylactic shock (I'm allergic to bees). His little brother had me rushed to the hospital. I didn't press charges, but after I got out I went to his place, got my things, and moved back in with my mom.
The near-fatal incident left me terrified of BDSM. That was my crossroad. I buried my submissive urges deep inside, flung myself into my work and ignored all men until I met my husband 5 years ago when we were both working for a local department store. We got to talking, and one day I asked him out. Only to lunch, of course, but that was the beginning. We got engaged two months later. It took a two year engagement, on and off, before I finally gave up hoping that Mom would give us her blessing. Three years ago I just got up one night and left, taking nothing with me but the clothes on my back when i found out I was pregnant with his child. We got married, and now, three years later, we have two little boys and a wonderful life. With his help and loving support, I started exploring my sexuality more and more, and eventually I told him about my fascination with BDSM. He's totally vanilla, but he understood that sexual urges are hard to ignore, and he got me a computer so I could satisfy my BDSM appetite, or so he puts it. I've been hanging around here on the forums, reading posts and stories for the last year or so, but only this year did I start posting here and writing stories. Now Hubby and I are trying to find a dominant female to come over once in a while and 'play' with us/me. He admits that having me kneeling at the feet of another male, a Master, isn't a big turn on for him, but the idea of seeing me submit to a dominant female intrigues him, so we are currently trying to find a female Domme in our area.