In very broad terms I think that the 'dominant' nature of our society tends to make it easier for a Dominant to come to terms with what he/she is, rather than for a submissive. But that said, this is also a society that frowns (rightfully) on abuse of any sort and from a Dominant's point of view it is that conundrum which may cause problems.

From a personal perspective, for years I wasn't even sure what I was or what I wanted. Almost everything I fantasied about never quite 'hit the spot'. Rape, forced sex, various types of humiliation, etc, all wandered their way through my mind for year after year. A vanilla wife was of little help.

Then I found this site and I also found the most amazing submissive that could ever be. Online at first, and now in real life (all too infrequently at the moment), she helped (taught ?) me so much. I now know exactly what I am and what I need.

I had never had any trouble coming to terms with my general fantasies and wishes, no problem with the concept of BDSM, or of power exchange but, where exactly I fitted into this whole thing, that was another matter. As it became apparent to me exactly what I am, as she showed me the truth about myself, I often looked at words in an IM with her and stopped short, thinking that she was wrong.

But now, having met (and played with) her in real life, I could not be more at ease with myself and my life. Because I tend to do things without much thought sometimes (she would say often !!!) I do not plan much in the way of our scenes. Meeting her in real life was a continuation of this and the way that everything I did, and her reactions to me, seemed so natural meant that any lingering subconcious doubts are gone.

So .. to answer your question Pan, from my personal POV I had no problem coming to terms with what I am, but only once I had discovered exactly what it was that I needed. And that was so simple I cannot imagine why it took so many decades before I realised. What I needed was that whatever I did, whether I gave my submissive pain, pleasure, humilation, love, etc ... it was just so amazingly good provided that she wanted it. Consent was what was missing from all my previous thoughts on the subject.



Re-reading this I am not sure if I havent actually spammed your thread - sorry if I have. Still wtf, a few ramblings are good for the soul.