Back at my bachelorette party in August, my vanilla sisters and equally vanilla friends got me stinking drunk-I had more tequila in six hours than anyone should have in a year. Anyhow...somehow they got me back to my apartment (I vaguely recall walking through Greenwich Village with penis attenae on my head) and as I was half passed-out on the couch, a stripper showed up. He did his thing and eventually put himself over my lap. I was too trashed to realize what he wanted, so he clearly stated, "Spank me." And, so as to be heard over the rousing strains of "Pour Some Sugar on Me," I shouted something to the effect of "I'd prefer it the other way around."

Fortunately, everyone thought I was just being funny and a friend took up the job of spanking the stripper. I was pretty mortified for a while, but as soon as I saw pictures of the party, I had plenty of other reasons to be mortified.