Wow, so much to reply to. Sorry if I miss things, but I'll try to respond to what I can.

MrVortex, thank you! That's very good to hear.

new master, but part of what I was referring to was how the site I quoted and some members here have insisted that the sub absolutely must not enjoy any punishment and it even has a big speech with lots of exclamation points on how sex should never be involved with the punishment. Sex is always involved with my punishments, that's more or less their point. If I got a spanking as a reward, it would lose 100% of its erotic value. It would just seem bizarre and silly and would turn me off immediately. My boyfriend feels the same. I'm a little turned off that some people are jumping up and down to tell me how wrong that is.

As for the abuse, yes, I would agree that it would fall into that category. But I've had many people assert to me that consent is what separates bdsm from abuse. If she chose to obey when her master told her she couldn't leave the relationship, does that stop it from being abuse? Personally, I don't think so. Many people have consensually entered abusive relationships and plenty even abuse themselves out of desperation, depression, self-loathing, fear and a great big huge list of other reasons.

And no, I still don't get the 24/7 so forgive me if I continue to sulk. While I love to get turned on, I don't think anyone wants to be turned on 24/7 and a few have noted that it's not about getting turned on in the first place. You'll find me back in the corner if you need me.

Eraser, yikes, there's a lot to address there. Okay, first of all, the whole ballet thing. When you say you hate it, I think that means you're mostly bored with it. I would be very surprised if it causes you any distress, humiliation, self-doubt, attack to your personality or sacrifice of something meaningful in your life. Most importantly, it's reciprocol. I'm sure she does equal things for you. So, I don't think that comes anywhere near to a fair analogy.

And onwards to the issue with why people choose to be submissive. You seem to imply that the only way a human mind can possibly be made to act against its nature is if society blatantly says they have to act in precisely one way. If brains were that simple, I'm pretty sure I'd have had my master's degree years ago. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of other psychological issues that could make a person enter into unhealthy situations. Moreover, you seem to be ignoring how women definitely are socially conditioned and socially expected to be submissive. I spend all the damn day in class reading about studies that show how little girls' brains are developing in unhealthy ways because of the different ways they are treated. I had to write a 60 page paper on it last year.

Finally, in your last couple paragraphs, you appear to be stating that since I don't have irrefutable proof that there is a problem, this is itself proof that there must be none. I'm sorry if this makes me unpopular, I really am, but I will never stop being concerned about my bdsm until I understand its psychological roots and the effect is has on both my and my dom's psyche. I have concern for others, too, but I will keep it to myself outside of this one request for understanding because I am in no position to poke into others' affairs - especially when I'm so far from understanding them. As I tried to communicate (though probably failed) in the original post, I am trying to understand this in part so I can alleviate that concern. Also, of course, because I just want to understand bdsm and things in general.

All the arguing aside, I do appreciate your recognition of my lifestyle. I'm starting to feel like I'm just not good enough because I'm not submissive enough to some people in various bdsm communities.

Curtis, um, you're talking to me, right? I don't have a husband! I'm far too commitmentphobic! And vegetables are yummy if you don't dull your taste buds with junk food. But thank you for your vote of confidence. *curtsey*

Finding_Fantasy, thank you! I believe this very strongly but I daren't say it because I'm running into people chewing submissives out for leaving without asking permission. It's driving me up the wall.

Nightstriker, I know! Though, it seems like I'm getting three new questions for every answer I get. I hope I'm learning something, even though I feel so damn confused.