Why the 24 hour bdsm?

[e.b.]

df, I don't think it's offensive at all for you to want to better your understanding by asking polite questions. Much of what I wanted to say while reading your post has already been mentioned in the above responses, but just to throw in a couple more ideas...

It has only recently come to my attention that for some people, bdsm is not just something that is limited to the bedroom, so to speak. As I would absolutely not tolerate anything less than equal treatment from my boyfriend in anything outside of sex, I'm utterly confused and somewhat emotionally distressed by this idea.

Even with a 24/7 D/s relationship, both partners acknowledge that they are equals. The dom wouldn't have anything to dominate without the sub's gift of submission. Good D/s couples may just have a tacit understanding of their ultimate equality as people so it doesn't have to be continually addressed. That way each partner is free to fulfill his or her desired role. And, yes, it's about way, way more than sex. It's about service. To me, the sex is just an added benefit when my dom chooses to reward me that way.

I like to have them write down 10 punishments and 10 rewards. After they have written them down, I sit down and go over the rewards and the punishments with them. Here is where a submissive will try to be somewhat sneaky, if they have a spanking fetish and have spanking down as a punishment then that needs to go to the "rewards jar" and not the "punishment jar."

This task is great to find out how honest your submissive is. It's also a good way to let the sub communicate how she feels about different parts of the relationship. For example, a spanking or caning is a reward for me. Having to bend over a piece of furniture and hold position during a harsh paddling, however, would be a punishment. I know many subs that really don't mind a paddle compared to some other instruments but for me it's awful. It's enough to be painful without giving me the endorphin rush a harsher implement such as a cane provides. A non-sexual example would be knowing which would be worse for your sub, having to write an essay or having to write the same sentence over and over again. Some might prefer just to write the sentences. I'd be bored out of my mind. It would make me think about my actions and want to behave better in the future. That's the whole point. The relationship is symbiotic: the sub gives her trust to the dom while the dom provides a certain amount of guidance in return.

If she doesn't like it, why would you do it? How would a person consent to bdsm if they don't enjoy it? I can't understand for a moment why someone would consent to a sexual practice they don't actually enjoy. I also read another thread earlier, which spoke of the same thing - how to punish a sub with things they truly don't like.

That's the whole point of punishment though. My primary goal as a sub is to please my master; it's not to have orgasms from kinky sex. If I am not pleasing, I wish to be corrected so that I may do a better job. I may not enjoy the correction but I do enjoy the greater sense of satisfaction I get the next time a similar situation occurs and I please my master by behaving more appropriately. Also, punishment provides a way for a sub to "repent", purge any feelings of guilt for misbehaving, and then be forgiven and move on. I think that's nicer than holding grudges...it's certainly more emotionally tidy.

Is bdsm really "real" for some people, rather than play and role-playing for the sake of a sexual fetish? Is one person truly considered lesser than the other? If that's the case, how can one separate bdsm from abuse?

FF really summed up the difference between bdsm and abuse with her mention of consent. That's the determining factor. Both parties are equal but if they decided as equals that there were certain responsibilities that the sub accepts and then also decided as equals on the actions the dom could take if displeased with the sub's handling of such responsibilities, then that all becomes fair game. Besides, if a sub really doesn't want to be punished because it's unpleasant then that seems to be a pretty good motivator for ensuring proper behavior.

But I'm referring to these punishments I see people writing about which are meant to be truly unpleasant or downright cruel for the submissive, so as to actually condition them not to do something again.

Exactly...and I crave that as a submissive. I like being held accountable if I don't meet the expected standards. While punishment may be quite harsh, I'm reluctant to call it cruel. After all, good doms care about their sub's well-being. Even the act of punishing is done out of concern. It's not something either D or s generally takes lightly.

Just to add, another reason this is putting a strain on me is that many people have put forth that bdsm is anti-feminist. I usually argue with them that bdsm is simply a sexual fetish that has no reason to negatively affect an otherwise egalitarian relationship. My argument seems to fall flat on its face now and my level of comfort with bdsm is flitting away as I start to get nervous that I'm part of something oppressive.

BDSM is not anti-feminist because women have the right to be respected for having free will. That includes being allowed to choose to relinquish that will under certain pre-negotiated circumstances. The negotiation should ensure that the relationship is still egalitarian. D/s is not oppressive...the "vanilla" husband down the street that beats his wife in a drunken rage is oppressive, abusive, and anti-feminist. Again, because there's lack of consent and the actions are not for the benefit of both parties.

Just my rambling, long-winded two cents...

eb