Quote Originally Posted by duktig flicka
I thought sexuality was the whole point! What place does bdsm have outside of sex?
You and I are on total opposite ends of the spetrum. I prefer to be dominated outside of the bedroom. BDSM has nothing at all to do with sex. Granted, yes we do have sexual play but that is more fo Tourguide than myself. I am into more mental submission. Being told what to do, how to hold myself, how to act etc. Sex is just something that is added in, but not for my benefit.

Everyone has the things what they can do and want to do. What may not be good for you and completely inconceivable to you, may be someone else's idea of what is right. The only time that it is right, however, is if the submissive agrees to the terms. There can be an agreed upon set of rules and guidelines laid out by the domiant and accepted or rejected by the submissve. A lot of people call this a contract rather than rules. This contract is to be followed by both parties. And, since the submissive agreed to these terms and probably negotiated them, she is bound by that contract and if she breaks the conditions of that contract then she must deal with the consequences of breaking it by accepted the agreed upon punishments.

There is a saying in BDSM: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This means that nothing is done without agreeing to it first (hence the consensual) Safe and Sane means that there should be no damage done either physically or mentally. If there is damage done and it is done without consent then it is abuse. Tourguide actually wrote an article on it sometime ago. Here it is. Fell free to read it.

Someone said once that BDSM is like a buffet. You pick and choose the elements you like and want and leave the rest for others. You choose the sexual, in the bedroom only elements of BDSM while someone like me prefers the mental control.

Through out punishments and activities that the submissive does receive and endure, he or she always has the right to stop it through a safe word. Despite what some people may say, a submissive, in the end, has the right to say no if the activity is intolerable.

I hope that helps and that this just doesn't sound like a lot of BS and rambling. LOL

And in the words of CSI

Gil Grissom "The submissive is the one with all the control"

Lady Heather "You've been paying attention."