You raise some really interesting points there, Merrioc, most thought provoking. The only three points i would make are:

1) Having a husband/wife/SO is not the same as having another dominant. A spouse is not a dom, they are a partner.

2) As an extension of one...the commitments to them are just that, commitments, not submission.

3) Life is about a series of commitments, and i don't feel that having to sometimes honour them is the same as or should be confused with a lack of willingness to submit.

i think all this adds up to the conclusion that if you took it to the nth degree, unless one dedicated their entire life to BDSM, it's gonna happen that sometimes life gets in the way..BUT, i understand that there is a difference in seeing a dominant purely to be trained and actually being in a Ds relationship, which is, i believe, the crux of any potential disagreement on the issue.

sl