Okay, this is an interesting thread!

First, on the off-topic of the military analogy: The reason why I think this analogy doesn't apply to the BDSM (or cyber) scene is that in the military rank derives from a long-established chain of command/chain of heirarchy. The Commander In Chief is (theoretically) elected by the people of this nation. The authority of the generals derives from that delegated by the C-in-C, or legislated by Congress. Below Generals,ranks are determined by promotion boards and (supposedly) relative merit. You respect the rank because an authorized and qualified group of people have made an evaluation that the person holding it is also qualified. In the BDSM community there is no authorized and qualified group to hand out the titles. Anyone can claim to be a Dom/me, sub or switch with absolutely no qualifications required.

Next (still off-topic), to differ with Dslave, there are people (not many, but some right on this Forum) who I do not like one little bit, but I still have respect for them. Meaning, really, respect for some aspect of them -- their knowledge, their ability to control a situation, their ability to evaluate and work out advantagous trades for ballplayers, their skill at expressing themselves, their ability to make a fortune in a 'down' economy, etc.

Finally, to get back to the original topic, I'm going to quote myself: "Anyone can claim to be a Dom/me...with absolutely no qualifications required." This, of course, puts me solidly in the 'respect must be earned' camp. I think that, by dictionary definition, sugeneg is correct that courtesy and respect are merely different levels of the same thing. In generally accepted usage, though, they are thought of differently. I am respectful to people whom I both respect and either like or don't feel strongly about. I'm courteous to people whom I dislike but still respect. I'm discourteous to people whom I neither like nor respect (actually, I try ignoring the latter, but patience isn't my strong suit, so...). Of course, your mileage may vary.