Quote Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide
I'm not sure I quite understand what you mean here. How can shame be transformed into love and strength? And what does someone trying to overcome the tragic events of their past have to do with submission?
One of the "motivations for engaging in submissive behavior" that Alex mentioned in her post is "working through issues of shame". I would have to agree, as I have seen this in more than one submissive (of both sexes) and might even fess up to a bit of it myself on a warm day. Where do these issues come from? Sometimes guilt about the desire to engage in BDSM activities, contrary to what the person had been taught. Sometimes guilt about other desires pertaining to sexuality or intimacy. But sometimes the feelings can also come from abuse suffered during a person's life, especially childhood.

Abuse is generally a form of n/c power exchange. Someone at some time took away their power to protect themselves and something horrible resulted. That's a tough one for our psyches because it instantly desolves some of the most basic things we need to be mentally and socially healthy...trust, a feeling of safety...ideally some of the very first things the brain ever learned in infancy. Now suddenly, that data registers as incorrect. A good lesson if you're trying to survive a seriously bad situation. But hard to shake once the situation changes.

One of the things a good, healthy, SSC power exchange relationship can offer a submissive in this case is exactly what was taken away. Safety, security, a place where trust can be renewed. The brain can be re-taught that it's okay to be "helpless" without anything bad happening. Through the patient guidance of a loving dominant, a broken sub can find healing for the things which are fixable and acceptance for the things which might be here to stay. A good dominant can provide a protected space where something that was previously tainted with bad memories can be reexamined with adult eyes and recaptured as something positive.

An example? I have a close friend who was orally raped as a child by her grandfather. Needless to say she was unable to give head. It was something she very much wanted to overcome, just on the principal that the old dead bastard not continue affecting her life. Sure, a vanilla boyfriend/husband could eventually work through that issue with her. But the very nature of a D/s relationship is already structured to mentor the sub through something like that. Afterwards she was stronger for having come out the other side so to speak. And her relationship with her Dom deepened, not just for the obvious reason , but because he walked with her through that fire. Shame transformed into strength and love through the miracle of BDSM.

Ok, this is long enough without knowing if I'm making things clearer or not. Did any of that ramble help explain my previous post?

PS-I didn't get into the Dom side of this dynamic because the question was about submission. So no "budwaddabout"s.