Firstly, i'm so sorry about some of your past experiences, it sucks.

There is a thread about this in this forum, called 'Does an interest in BDSM indicate abuse in earlier life?', i found it for ya, it's here:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1020

As you'll see on that thread, my overiding feeling on the matter is that one could never really know what parts of our past effect who we are, but, in the right circumstances, being involved in BDSM doesn't have to be something that should be worrying, whatever part of the reason for your interest is, it can turn something bad into something positive and enriching. i think what i mean is, the past isn't going to go away, so it's about proper and safe channeling.

Best regards to you.

lucy