Thank you everyone for being supportive and caring. I really appreciate this.

This has been one of the biggest mindfucks for me. I've spent more time crying in the past couple months than I did in my teen years it seems. It's just so hard when someone says all the right things but doesn't do the right things.

For a week he was good. He came back. Paid attention to me. We had a couple of very nice evenings together, chatted a bit over the phone here and there. It was good. But it didn't last. It's back to square one.

I sent the goodbye email. Goodness only knows when he'll get it. I would have at least loved to have been able to talk to him. But... if he's never here... how can I??? Ironic thing is that after 3 days, he finally returned my phone call yesterday. A few hours after I sent the email. No sign in his voice or message, just said he was calling me back. Haven't heard anything since.

So whatever I guess.

I don't know what I'll take away from this. I'm... not even sure of all of the things I'm feeling. I've got this feeling in the pit of my heart. And I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps it is just tired.

I don't know.

So... whatever.

I guess...