Hi there,

I've been thinking about that a lot, as I have a strong interest in BDSM (not likely to go away anytime soon), and, while my wife knows about these feelings, she does not share them.

I married at a young age, while I was still exploring my feelings with regard to BDSM. In the 10 years of our marriage it has become clear that we love each other very much, that my wife will never get into bdsm, and that I get very frustrated if I don't at the very least surf the web at least once a week.

A couple of years back - I guess in a make or break attempt at finding out whether this really was for me - I booked a session with a pro Domme, which, as it turned out, confirmed for once and for all that actually doing this (or in this case: having done to) is a lot better still than just reading and fantasizing about it .

My wife doesn't know about this session, nor do I plan on telling her (at the moment anyway). Likewise, if I do manage to find a suitable partner to play with, I will likely not tell - she has made it very clear that if I ever was to cheat on her, all hell would break lose. And I know for a fact that this would greatly hurt her too.

And yet, she is not able to fulfill this one crucial aspect of me.

This does not mean I do not love her, nor do I have any intent nor wish to find another person to have the deeply emotional attachment I have with her. Same goes for vanilla sex. But if anyone was to ask me if I wanted to come and play, i would do so without giving it a second thought, as it will make me a happier person.

So I guess that according to the law I did cheat when I had the session, and would again if I played with someone again. I guess to most people I have been - and in my mind still am - unfaithful. I know my wife would feel cheated on. And yet, I can't say I feel guilty or event the slightest remorse. Quite the contrary. If anything, by exploring these feelings - if it so happens to the point of infidelity - I feel I will be a better and more loving husband. So from a personal, emotional standpoint I do not feel i am unfaithful at all.

As to whether or not the BDSM community does encourage people to commit these infidelities, not having been part of it for very long, I cannot say for sure. From what I have seen, many within the community seem more open to the possibility, or perhaps less judgmental about it, than 'average' people. In part I would guess that by accepting their own feelings people within the community are by their very nature less conforming than average, and having lived through the process of accepting know how strong, and perhaps initially disconcerting these feelings can be.

I hope that the above all made sense, if not, let me know (still wondering every so often if I'm not a little schizoid... ),

Cornelius.