It sounds like you are having difficulty finding your match. I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that whether or not a lady is a "true" submissive is not measured by how they translate their BDSM into their life. If you are using the terms, "true submissive" when you seek out someone, you are going to put them off and not get anywhere.

You may also find that someone, a novice, in particular, who says they only want BDSM in the bedroom will go further than that with growth. As the relationship develops and love enters into it, you may find that they will do anything for you, in the bedroom and out.

I believe that a BDSM relationship is a relationship first. Find someone with common interests, someone who's time you enjoy sharing and move from there.

Further, at 39 yrs of age, I finally found my true match and found it when and where I least expected it.

Best wishes,
Val