Coming from an abusive relationship, I know how hard it is to leave. It's different for every person, I think.

For me, it was too things. One was shame for having let myself get into that situation after my family warned me about the signs. (my father came from an abusive home) He made me promise that I would never get into that sort of trouble. But I did and I felt horrid for it.

The second thought was "Well, what if nobody else wants me?" and so forth. I had a low self esteem before I met him and it only got worse after that. I am getting better now though.

It was hard for me to get into the bdsm life after that. I mean, I knew of my inclinations towards it before I got involved with that guy, but later, when I came across the opportunity i couldn't help but think "Well maybe it's not for me because I don't like getting beaten up."

Perhaps if this hadn't all happened, I may have become more of a pain slut. I used to have a high tolerence for pain but since then, I get scared of it, I guess. Perhaps I am worried, somewhere deep in myself, that if I allow too much pain to be inflicted on me, that that person will not stop when I need them to. I can't really say. I trust my Master, there is just some left over damage to me mentally.

This is probably why I don't "believe" in slaves because I could never allow someone to have that much control over me again. It took me a while to find out who I was again and I don't want that taken away. I know that sounds silly, but that is just the way human brains and hearts work sometimes.

As for the trip to Banff...*lol* You should make it Jasper instead. It's only 45 minutes from us.