As usual, a lot of intelligent things have already been said, way before I gathered my thoughts. One personal experience is worth mentioning though, so here it goes:

At more than one occasion, I have rid myself of everything that related to the lifestyle, basically out of the same feelings that you mentioned. But the thoughts would not leave me alone, they drew me back into it. Not the same person that had left, but one with more life experience, with better thought-through idea and certainly a better understanding as to who and what I am. I am still searching for The One to share all this and the rest of my life with - which may be an unattainable goal for me - but I have gained lots of insights into life, people I mix with and myself in the process.

Maybe this is an encouragement for you to keep going on.

As to these forums, and although I do not know many participants personally: the abundance of ideas, thoughts, views, insights have given me a tremendous lot. So, a very warm welcome to you here,

SMartie