And wake. Shaking, holding a key. You have let me in. Into this room. I am close, so close to what i want.

The echo of that click as the door shut behind cc, is the loudest thing in the room. Time passes slow-motion and i hear what I think is a ticking clock. It is my heart. The room, presses down on my arms, holding me back, is cold. Dark, shadowy, in my peripheral vision -- my big, dark, lionish eyes dart wildly, trying to look away from the cage glinting in the darkest corner of the room before me -- in my peripheral vision, I sense vaguely books lining shelves, rising high up each wall to my side, heavy dark furniture huddles low, It is still night, but if not, i sense this room would still be dark. Only moonlight drifts through a curtain somewhere, shining on the metal bars, silver to black, like those the moonlight striped across my back, as I ran across the meadowy field toward your house.

I'm putting it off, this moment of opening. Putting it off, not biding my time. As my hands grow colder. This is what I came for. I fidget, remind myself as I did long ago, in all those self-defense classes, tae kwon do, tai chi, Impact, krav maga, and the rest, obscure and ancient arts. Trying, trying to make myself safe, how I used to remind myself --' feel your feet!' I'd admonish myself, 'plant them, stand your ground, girl.'
Closing my eyes, despite the stirrings I can feel in the darkness before me, the restlessness, coiling, somewhere ahead -- a strange intelligence, sensing mind, probing, curious still, starting so sniff. He Knew I was coming, I almost smile to myself, the way he plays with me, pretending, but unlike the mouse with the cat, his knowing i know he pretends, is part of the fun. (But he only thinks me an intelligent robot mouse, programmed for games. I hope he is wrong.)
Remind myself -- feet, plant yourself. Go in.
The oriental rug under me, wool and silk, warms as my feet warm. I can't stay planted her for long, let him get in the first move. G-d, I'm stalling. Licking my lower lip, sucking it under, I've waited for this so long. I want to scream. Then get a warm thought that puts me back in control. My address. What if I give him it, see how fast cc comes hurtling back screaming. 'Are you crazy?' Bet I get spanked but good.
And I'd love that, love Chad, a warm spanking in his arms, virtual and long and warm as they can be. Maybe tempt him into hearing my voice for the first time. I took voice lessons and have been told my voice is musical.
Ah, how long can I play this, pay this out? This line I'm feeding.
What would he like, Chad? Come back to protect me? Did he see the picture, the one that looks Almost, Sort of, like me? To hear me go to df? the student? dh tried to make up for it this morning. sigh.
(OT someone to watch over me is playing on the CD, as I sit here at the computer in both worlds at once, down in the dark, cold library in front of FB's cage. And here, wondering.)
I grasp the rug with my long delicate prehensile toes, smelling the fragrance rise up from inside me, like music, this body i'm using for my succubus plans.

Time to get on with it. One step forward. Just move your foot, and walk. Dont think any farther than that. Head down I walk until my head bumps, jarring, surprising me,against metal. Hadn't realized it was so close, seemed like such a long walk. That bump surely jarred you, too, or did you expect it there, you in your cage.
The wetness between my legs and the fear that stiffens my jaw coldly, so it almost judders like a cat after a bird, I don't know which is the stronger force as I reach up my left hand to the lock. An old lock.
You havent been out this door many times, I think. Perhaps cc has some other way, my head involuntarily turning back toward that closed wooden door so far away, you went thru what must be only moments before.
Do it!! Something is screaming in my head and I scramble to obey.
The lock is stiff, my fingers cold and stumbly, but finally I feel a catch, a smooth turn, an easing.

please oh please oh please please please...?

(...and my heart is aching because the cd has changed to another favorite, Tom Waits, little trip to heaven/ The song dh sang before I ever saw him that first time, that we sing together now sometimes, or slowdance, and so I remind myself that succubi only live in dreams, and I'm not a real girl. Not yet. The only way to go thru a door is to go thru, or not. And I wonder if dh's distraction, his giving me room, has always been there and I just stopped feeling it until now -- the loneliness, or if he's just now giving me room, trying as always to make me happy, no matter what.)

All of me cold now, shuddering, the cage unlocked, I stand my ground, waiting.