I think you will find at least some of what you need in here. I know I have. There are some very intelligent people in these forums, with mostly positive outlooks.

I, too, tried to give up all of my BDSM related materials, for different reasons. I found that it didn't work, and actually made me feel worse. So I came back. Every once in a while I feel like tossing it all away again, but I now understand that this is going to be a part of my life, for good or bad, forever.

So don't feel so alone. There's lots of help and understanding in here.