That you had to retract your statement, Master, I was simply just clarifying what you meant. You know me, "Queen Sheba of having one's head up one;s ass" but I also felt that I needed to comment on the issue as a problem I have encountered with former dominants. Needless to say, I didn't stick around very long once I found out how they really felt. (You know which one I mean)

As for knowing or not knowing what my "purpose" is, I know very well what it is but it actually fullfilling that purpose that I find difficult. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am not submissive, though I knwo I come across strong and abrassive sometimes, but that is the way I was brought up. I was taught to repect those that have shown me they are worthy of respect (not just mine, anyones) but also not lie down and take shit from anyone.

I was brought up a hard headed smartass and after 26 years of that, it's a hard chain to break. You see, I grew up in a house hold with a brother where, if I gave and inch, he's take the whole damn planet. As soon as I showed a sign of "weakness" he was all over me, beating me to a pulp. He doesn't do that anymore thankfully.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, yes the submissive is there, but when you have grown up, born and bred, a stubborn, hard headed, smartass (and yes Master, I am actually admitting it ) it is hard to let the other out, especially when the people who taught you to be unsubmissive are the ones that are second to most prominent in your life.

And again with humiliation, to be honst, I don't care either way. I eman It's not my favorite thing in the world, but it's not something I loathe either. I guess I am kinda sitting on the fence on this one.