smiles....i think i could live with that....the prospect of HIm not being a part of my life scares me more than a little bit....we have been friends for 12 years..He was the best man at my wedding...and He was the man who was there when my 10yr marriage ended because my husband desided he loved someone else and could no longer cope with my needs He was the one to tell me that my need for pain was not abnormal...and that He did not find it inacceptable.....would rather stay with Him and serve as i can...knowing that i love and am loved..than stay with a husband who doesnt understand me