Wow, Finding Fantasy, you HAVE gone and said it, and if that statement doesn't make waves here, nothing will

Of course I am referring to your answer to Mr Jersey Guy's observation that:
"BDSM is sexual and fun...not bowling or poker! You start defining a specific set of rules for what's "right and wrong" and you take half the fun out of it."
You answered that with
"Personally, I would have to disagree with this statement. Largely because I am not a very sexual person. I never have been, really. It is fun, yes but the satisfaction I get from being a submissive is not one of a sexual nature."

Let me say straightaway that I agree with you, FF, although I think I would classify myself as a fairly sexual person. But, although our D/s relationship does heighten the sexual element (and vice versa), BDSM for me goes FAR beyond sex and fun.

I'd like to say at this juncture that this is NOT a criticism of Mr Jersey Guy's approach and attitudes towards BDSM. He goes on to say that
"I don't feel compelled to conform to anyone's "standard" for this type of play except my own and my sub's. If it works for us, it's right...if it doesn't, it's wrong!"
I agree 100% with that and I hope he and his sub have a wonderful life together - it sounds as though they do. What I am saying is that in the case of my owner and I, the fun/sexual element is there at times, but it only forms a small part of what glues us together.

I adore Mark, more now than I did when I met him three years ago, more than two years ago, more than one, more than sic months ago. And I know that adoration would still be there if we never made love again, as long as I could remin his chattel. This knowledge comes from my recent experiences when we have been apart during the working week (says she, at last returning to the topic of this tread!!).

In fact I remain TOTALLY chaste five days (and four or five nights) every week which can be difficult to say the least. But it is an amazing thing to have to do - it was very hard at first, specially when Mark had me hunting through the library for stories that would 'amuse' him and I was having to read things that really hit the spot as far as I was concerned. But I learnt just how important our relationship was without sex and without my being allowed to in any way relieve any feelings of frustration building up within me during the week.

Okay, so I am talking about frustration which is a sexual feeling (negative one), but what I am trying to say is that, even with sex out of the equation, my need for my owner is still there in the deepest psychological sense. When he does come striding back into my life, it is him I kneel to, and I do not do that just in the hope of receiving his sexual favours. I do it primarily because I want to please him, and to show him that I adore him and that I am totally his chattel.

Ooops, now I am wandering off-topic. FF: don't you think we should open a thread just on this subject - "The Place of Sex in a D/s - BDSM Relationship?" I think it might be interesting to see how many people out there think as you do.

My apologies if this posting has gone off-topic but, for me, FF has raised a very interesting issue with what she said.

Love, Jane.