My partner and I have used s&m in fantasy whilst having fairly vanilla sex (nothing actually happening beyond occasionally me tying her up and her orgasm denial, neither of which ever seemed to be taken too seriously). Well, last week, I suggested a "night of slavery" as a forfeit if she couldn't control her orgasm. To cut the story short, she will be paying that forfeit at some point.

In our fantasy play we have discussed quite extreme activities - eg public bondage & exposure, involvment of 3rd parties for her to service (and 4th, 5th..., both male & female).

However, I'm sure that trying to play out any of those activities on the night will be a very bad idea. In reality we will both (quite probably) be far more timid. As the "dom" for the night, I am as nervous of the prospect of 'freezing' up and having nothing to suggest for the night as I am of pushing it too far too quickly.

Would any of you experienced hands (subs or doms) care to suggest how to structure a first "physical" experience of s&m to help ensure that it is a positive, rewarding time for both of us? I'm not specifically asking for tasks for my slave to do (although ideas never harm!) more about how to structure the session to make us both feel comfortable doing what we are doing and exploring this lifestyle happily.

Should I be starting by laying down MY rules? Asking her to set some personal boundaries? Safe words? Or am I overengineering it all? (Alternatively, does this sort of attitude suggest I'm just unsuited to being a decent Dom and should give up now)?

TIA.