BDSM Rigidity

[Kostly]

I get tired of the internet. There is allot of great information and avenues to explore, but when I hear certain things, I just get a dull ache in my head that wont go away!

Here is some of the things that I notice...

Inflexibility
A laundry list of personality traits desired that contradict themselves.
A belief in ONE true way.
Someone who is telling everyone how things SHOULD be!
Someone who is telling someone how to do things when they have no real experience.
Someone who has only had Online relationships telling others how real life relationships work.
Someone telling others how D/s relationships should be.

Its not that I don't like ideas on the subjects, I just hate the rigidity.

I had a friend of mine come to me and ask me why I demand that my partner wear what I say she should. What is interesting is that I never told her that I require such a thing, and that in fact, I would probably seek my submissive advice on such area's because I am not the most fashionable person. Thus I asked her where she got the idea that I would require such a thing. She told me that someone told her that to be a "true" Dom, you must control these things. I could only laugh

Lets face it, there are many types of Doms and subs in this world. I am a Daddy Dom, while others detest the idea. I am a romantic, and a sadist. I like to cuddle, and I like to humiliate. I am a box full of contradictions, and many of you are too.

Everyone reading this has their own unique style and life. They each kinda just fall into it. Real Life relationships work when you stop trying to play a role and just be yourself. You don't need to try and be a Dom, you just are a Dom. I am not as Dominant as some, and others are less Dominant then me, but we are all Dominants.

Then there are the people who just want to have Kinky Sex. Is this wrong? NO! When I am in a Real Life relationship, there are times I am not super Dom, and I prefer to just have kinky sex. Does this mean I am not a true lifestyler? Honestly I don't care.

Kostly

P.S. I wonder how many people will assume what a Daddy Dom is without actually reading it So please google it...

[Arria]

Very well said.

"Real Life relationships work when you stop trying to play a role and just be yourself. "

This sums it up nicely...

[TwistedTails]

I was having one of those headaches today when I found your post. Well said. It also got me thinking about a reference in my local newsletter that seems appropriate. It is Master Skip Chasey's keynote address to the 2008 Master/slave Conference, titled "The Rise and Fall of the M/s Community: A Cautionary Observation." And can be read as a PDF.

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/...te_Address.pdf

[jeanne]

Thanks for the link - that was an excellent address.

[thrall]

I was having one of those moments myself today......

Thinking about being told by other submissive.......im not their style/type of submissive...

[caligirl{Rob}]

giggles hmmm and i thought this would be a post about my over-40 submissive muscles and bones

very well said Kostly and others above

[jeanne]

giggles hmmm and i thought this would be a post about my over-40 submissive muscles and bones

Ssssshhhhhh! I'm sure you're as supple and flexible as a teenager, cali. Just as 'over-40' I am.

[Kostly]

LoL, need to get your stretching going... I require my Sub too! Dont want to harm her (I like to hurt her, never harm her) with Bondage, and streching helps. If your not, you can get hurt easily and its very unpredictable and hard for a Dom to control (And we HATE not controlling things).

[fetishdj]

Amateurs and wannabes... I think many of us have been there and followed these rigid ideals about the lifestyle. Then we all progressed into more believable ideals. I think it is the necessary step towards getting involved properly in the lifestyle. Some manage it, many don't.

[Skarlet]

Hmmmm and how about those of us who are poly.....who have completely different levels of D/s in each of our relationships...is one right and the others wrong then? I sure hope not!

I think you're right and everybody should follow your one true way!

:P

[Miner]

sensible words Kostly