Where do I fit?

[virginmale]

My humble greetings to the moderators and all the forum members,

Hi! I am a newbie around. Still a very very young, innocent and naive male hanging around.

I have been long 'interested' if not 'addicted' to BDSM scenes, especially sex and submission from Kink.com. Watching all those videos simply turns me on. I simply felt the urge to try it out on someone.

However! I am a rather mild person. I am usually said by ppl to be cute, kind, sweet, caring, loving, patient and probably a too good hearted kind of a person. Even during my years acting as a leader in a society back in high school, I always lead by example and love instead of commanding and bossing around with ppl. Surprisingly, I am able to get more people to listen to me rather than the other leaders. However, I felt that I couldn't do all the 'perverted' actions on whoever my future subs are (God bless them). For one, because I think I love them so much that I am not so willing to do so on them. Second, because I am still a virgin and know basically nothing about sex. Thirdly, I think I am not good enough or worthy to even attempt to be a dom because I am not at all good at it. Fourth, I get shy and blush very often around girls, to the point that I will most of the time spill,break,crush,slip and all sorts of embarassing things to happen to me. I couldn't seem to be able to be a macho person around girls.

Despite being a little like a sub character. I somehow get turned off very very easily having the feeling that a guy is dominated or controlled by a girl. Not that I am discriminating gender or anything, but I feel its more appropriate in my own opinion for a guy to be dominating a girl.

Please kindly leave some advise for me. Either by forum or even private messages. Do you think I should just watch those vids and just get off like I am used to? Or you think I should go ahead and attempt to find someone liked-minded to try BDSM with? Or perhaps I should be a sub and learn up the ways of being a dom?

On the side note, been having fun reading through forums! Thank you all for contributing ideas here.

[werbored]

you could stick to what you know and there is nothing wrong w/ that.
and the other thing i have l;earned through out life, no matter what it is i'm doing
"it will work if you let it"

[AdrianaAurora]

If you haven't, it might be useful to read through this threads: Book By It's Cover, Training.

You are very young, and all you need is to take time to read and learn as much as you can and time to gain experience. It will come.

For some Doms it worked to "apprentice" as subs first, others chose alternative methods to learn and grow, as that was completely unacceptable to them.

Dont try, or feel, that you have to box yourself into one role or another, or buy into "caricature" of a certain role (ie. how a dom or sub should be or behave 24/7; being a dominant isn't about being domineering jerk ). I will let you in on a little secret, R/L bdsm relationship has very little to nothing in common with instant gratification of (romantic) bdsm fantasy.

Just like in vanilla relationship(s) you have to get to know each other, work on a relationship, often break up, and search for another person. For some people it takes longer than others, but everyone always finds a match, - you just have to be yourself, or any match you make will be fake.

Work on yourself, your confidence and courage to risk and go after what you want, but ultimately allow yourself the freedom to be who you are and trust your instinct (you know whats right for you).

You will get there. Enjoy the journey.

And welcome to the Library,

Adriana