Reassurance?

[DiablosPet]

I have always been ashamed of who I am and terrified to be open about it. My whole family is very vanilla and boring. I fear rejection, abandonment or humiliation. I know they would not understand my love for my Master and nor would they support it. As much as I love my family, I cannot change who I am. I have found a truly unconditional love, because it is my Master who loves me right down to my biggest secret of all <3

I'm only 19 years old, but I have been submissive for what feels like my entire life. I remember it started when I was about 6 or 7 years old and I was playing "Cops and Robbers" with a group of my cousins. I was on the "Robbers" side and this is where it all started. I was the first to get caught because I was the youngest and had never played before. All the "Cops" had little fake plastic handcuffs to use when they caught the "Robbers". I got handcuffed and it was like a switch went off in my head. I can remember it clear as day, I was sitting in this little play jail cell, hands cuffed behind my back, all by myself. I just sat there breathing heavily with my heart pounding, twisting my wrists around in the cuffs. I was thrilled but had no clue what was going on. This was the first taste of my true form I ever had and it was quite awhile till I explored it again.

I currently am in a long-distance relationship with my Master (Diablo), and hope to move closer to him one day. I guess the whole purpose of this thread is I just need some positive reinforcement that I'm not crazy...

-Diablo's Pet

[Voyeur21]

I too spent a long time feeling ashamed of my sexual desires and kinks. One of the best comparisons was with my best friend at university. He came out as gay in his second year and spoke of the relief at not having to hide his sexuality, no longer being forced to feel ashamed or dirty by who he is.

I think a similar comparison can be made to those of us interested in BDSM- most of us are still in the closet, both publically (though wouldnt it be a liberating world if kink was as socially accepted as homosexuality is nowadays in the West) and privately with our partners (for fear of rejection in bed).

Because I felt ashamed at who I was, and because I couldnt reconcile my thoughts and definitions of what a good person is (Someone who does not hurt others) with my sadistic desire to combine pain and pleasure, I felt I couldnt love myself. That made for a very lonely 10 years, because if I couldnt love myself for who I was, how could I ask another to love me.

I finally met a girl who I trusted enough to open up to and explain my desires to. And it is a liberating and joyous feeling to have someone know the true you. Like you, it isnt something I'd tell my family about, but coming out of the closet to one person? If its the right person?

Perhaps thats enough. It is for me.

V.

[hopperboo]

I also have mixed feelings about being a submissive...but it certainly isn't about my family accepting me. It's none of their business what my sex life is like, or how my relationships are conducted. (Unless of course I'm in an abusive relationship, and then of course I know they'd step in).

I am not open at all about my relationships (sexually wise) with my family, nor do I feel I should be. I'm quite sure they don't wouldn't want to hear about it anyways. lol.

Do you feel ashamed because you want to 'come out' to them about being submissive, being tied up, etc...and they wouldn't accept that?

Your "master" doesn't need to be a secret. :- ) If you feel like you need to share things about your relationship with your family then do so, leaving out the fact that you call him "Master." They do not need to know how you feel about being told what to do or that you might like being tied up. Being truthful and open doesn't mean you need to spill your entire guts - not even to family.


P.S. It sounds like you have an online relationship going with this Dom, if you do intend to meet him please be careful. I am a huge worry-wort though, and I just had to say something to make myself feel better. (But seriously, be careful!) Best of luck with everything.

[DiablosPet]

I appreciate the responses very much. but I think I may have been misunderstood about my family. They would never accept me moving to another place to be with my Master. I would never want to openly say to them "Hey! This may sound crazy but I love to be tied up and spanked by my Master" they would likely die on the spot. It's just hard growing up like this and having absolutely no one to talk to about it.. I guess I'm still confused and a little scared..

And to Pixiedustboo, I appreciate your concern about my relationship with my Master very much. If you knew him the way I do you would see there is nothing to worry about <3 But again, thank you for voicing your concern ^_^

[.x.Cole.x.]

i used to be ashamed of what i was into. me and my Dom now were in a vanilla relationship before and He started off showing me what it was about and i secretly started researching it and finding out wwhat BDSM was really about, i hid it from Him for 3 months, and when He ended the relationship i was devestated and i was upset i never really told Him my obsession with the lifestyle. thank god He gave me another chance to explain how i felt about it all. now all is well. now for my parents... they wpuldnt accept my choice to be in this kinda relationship but i dotn caare what anyone thinks. i love my Dom with all my heart and wouldnt trade it for the world being with Him.

[DowntownAmber]

Time is a beauty, the road being long...

I am frankly of the opinion that my sexual life is mine to speak about and share as I see fit, and those I see as fit to share with are either those that I can benefit from or that can benefit from me. My parents are in the Life as well, but really all they need or want to know about my relationship is whether I'm happy or not.

Glad you're here - there are planty of good people to lean on and learn from.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I agree with both Pixie and Amber. My sexuality is just that: mine. It is my concern and my business and I choose who I tell about it. And quite frankly, what Master and I do together is none of my family's business. Some of my friends know that I am a sub, but not all of them know. I pick and choose what I tell people anyway. I may be open about some things on this forum and others, but no one knows everything. My life is not an open book to people and chapters of it will always remain closed to others. And this is especially true when it comes to my family. Am I ashamed of what Master and I do and the fact that I am a sub? No, not at all. I have always been a private person. That is why I will have my own personal journal but will never have a blog and why I will never have a Facebook or My Space account. My private life is just that: private.

[DiablosPet]

Thanks to everyone who has responded! I honestly feel better now<3 I appreciate the time you all took to give me your opinion and I have read them all very carefully. I don't feel as embarrassed about my choice of lifestyle in being a Sub.. I believe this knowledge will make me a better pet to my Master <3

-DP