Just starting out..

[subboyy]

At first this was a bit wierd becaus he found out my curosity with bdsm after I kept it from him because I knew he was not into it. He took it in a negative way at first. He thought it over and said it would be hot to try some of these things in a laughing way. but we only joke about it sometimes.

Since we faded back to normal things and we are happy with the normal lifestyle to. Every now and then he jokes by saying "i need to tie you up to spank you for that" and it gets me rallied up.
But I feel its time to TRY something. He would obviously be the dom and me the submissive.

I think us finding out where a bdsm themed event is, anywhere in SC, NC, GA, or mabey FL. we could dress the same 'theme' everyone else dresses as and jump right in. Hopefully it wont be to uncomfortable the first 6 minutes of a semi public setting..I just want to start something that might spice it up bdsm style. We bought a collar for me for me that was part of a halloween outfit, im thinking about putting a leash in one of his christmas gifts this year as a hint.

[Draco]

Welcome to the forum subboyy.

IMHO, I do not thing the first thing you should do is try to drag him into a public enviroment to start out in the bdsm livestyle, expecaly if he is not sure that this is what he would like to do. A large bdsm event is not something to be treated like a costume party, as far as i know, it would not be apropreate to just "dress the theme" and show up. I am sure that sooner or later, someone will relize that your partner is not into his role, and this could lead to an uncomfortabe situation for all parties involved.

I believe that he jokes the way he does because jokeing about it is non-thretening to him. If he were to start something bdsm like, then deside he did not enjoy the experience, then he could easly back out by saying he was just kidding.

My best advice is to be honest with him about what you would like him to do, and see if he is willing to do so. I personly do not thing a good Dom can be made, but it is an urge that he must have in order to act in this manner.

Try to get him on the forum, or the chat, to see how he reacts to things, whether or not the idea of being a Dom excites him. Try one of the "BDSM starter kits" that you can find online or in any sex shop. They have a few thins to start with, but you never know where that simple start could lead
!

You could also try the Hard Limit Questionair that is listed here in the forum, see what he likes and what he does not. This would give you a good idea of what he is willing to try now, and what (as of now) he will not try.

Lastly (that i can think of right now) you could do what my sub did for me to start me off. Get a cheep pair of cuffs and some rope or chain, and leave yourself as a naked present on the bed one day. I canot imagin that he would be able to resist that one!

[drusilla]

i don't mean to sound insulting, but it seems more like you're interested in spicing up your love life then charging into this lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that, it's perfectly acceptable and valid but it might mean going about it differently. There's tons and tons of books and other guides (i'm sure if you searched, you might even find websites) dedicated to this and they're pretty varied in the different types of things that they suggest. Perhaps pick up a book or look for a website that has suggestions that you're both into and start from there. Even if i'm wrong and you are interested in this lifestyle, it might be easier to get your partner to try some new things that are on the vanilla side of things and slowly integrate aspects of BDSM into your life. Once someone is looking at things from a more open POV, it can become easier. Also, if BDSM is really where you want to go, i agree whole-heartedly with Draco, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. One of the biggest, most important steps in starting and maintaining a BDSM lifestyle is communication. With Draco and i, i've found (and i'm pretty damn sure she'll agree) that our communication with eachother has improved dramatically in all aspects of our relationship because of the openness that is necessary with BDSM. You find that when you open up to your partner about what might be considered 'taboo' interests that it's much easier to talk about other things as well.