Use of Safewords

[fallenstar]

Ok here goes... i'm a sub to my Master, and on our first night together He gave me my "safeword" right away, one that would Always be in effect. i've heard about them, and appreciated that He cared enough about it to make sure i had one and Knew it. However... i've realised that i'm extremely reluctant to Use my safeword. It feels almost like i'm failing him if i use it, even though i know he'd be upset if i was Truly uncomfortable with something and should have used it but Didn't. my question for you, is 1) whether or not anyone else has felt like this or similar, and 2) how you've dealt with it either yourself (if your a sub) or For/with your sub (if your a Dom) Thanx all for reading.

fallen

[Myst]

Fallen,

It's certainly not an uncommon feeling for you to not want to use your safe word. I've heard many subs say the same thing, that they feel like they've "failed" in some way. But you have to realized that the safe word is there to help both keep you safe, and your Dom learn where your limits are and more about your reactions. No matter the experience level, there will still be a learning period for everyone to adjust to the different limits of each individual. So, I'd encourage not to feel like it's a failure in using it, but rather a point in which you are helping you and your Dom to grow and get to know each other better. Of course, just my opinion. You might take a look at this thread, Safewords and Safesigns, to see that you aren't alone in this feeling and for some more information about it.

Cheers,
Myst

[Euryleia]

You might also want to consider adding another safe word; one that doesn't mean stop, just slow down. For example, use red to stop and yellow to slow.

It will give a break to the scene and let you to check in with your Master. This way, you aren't quitting or failing (not that stopping when you need to is ever a failing--it's the smart thing to do when you've reached a limit).

Go slow and communicate, communicate, communicate.

[fallenstar]

-nods- ill try, thank you both for the advice.. its always helpful

[J-Go]

Wow great advice Euryleia! I like that. From my Dom stand point using your "safe word" is not a failure, actually quite the opposite not using it would make me quite disappointed in my sub. I'm interested in knowing the limits, I find I can use those limits in role play but I know and my sub knows I will never cross them. I believe that with dominance comes much responsibility to care for and protect my submissive I love my sub and would never break her trust in me.