Moving from O/l to R/l

[cariad]

I remember taking a safe call for whom, whilst I was in the same country, I was 100 miles or so away.

Before the meeting, I had checked that his phone numbers and home address checked out, and knew what their plans were. I also obviously had her phone number. Knowing where they were going to be meeting I obviously knew which emergency services to contact should I have needed to.

I knew the phone call would have been very odd, but had sort of prepared it in my mind, and would have just bullied my way through until someone had taken it seriously. Initially I did feel at a slight disadvantage for not being close, but to be honest, if things had gone pear shaped it would have been much better for the professionals to be involved immediately, rather than me trying to go in and possibly make matters even worse.

cariad

[***Kate***]

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In the end my entire family found out and I was treated by most of them like an outcast. To this day I'm not sure if my sister believes me or not.
.

So sorry that you had to go through all what you did.
without going into it. I do know what you mean about famiy.
to this day I have never told my family about rape that I went through knowing that I would get the same treatment. I was only 13 at the time.

another safety thing is...... when you get his Number you can also ask for drivers licence number and car rego number. If he has nothing to worry about he will give it to you.
you havnt asked for address so if he was a bit shy of giving the details you could not find out where he lived with just the rego number.
Have heard of this being done here in Australia...

[nightsilver]

From what I remember during selling cellphones, phones older than 2003 (90% certain on the date) were not required to have the GPS units in them. Any phones from before that were grandfathered in. I remember upgrading a few customer's cell phones and when they weren't happy, wanting to go back to their older phones the system wouldn't permit me to do it.

From what I googled, the E911 systems were required to be up by 2005. Given that most companies have a two year upgrade policy, I believe most users should be safe.

Also, I have had the experience of taking one relationship from online to real life before back when I was eighteen. As we talked about meeting, I was quite adamant about meeting in public, trying to talk to her mom (she lived at home), and her bringing a friend along as well. I would be particularly interested in following all these safety measures and the rest that everyone else has already mentioned even if the other person is has been suggesting these like I did to my old girlfriend. She seemed way to trusting of me, and I think part of it was my honesty and her naivety. I would hate to see anyone manipulated by using a similar ploy.

In regards to the eye contact thing, when I first saw her I was incredibly nervous. Being cautious is good, but don't be predisposed to ruining things. Her mom was actually overly paranoid. She assumed that because I was skinny and pale white (I am a geek) that I must be a drug abuser.

Anyways, hope some of my ramblings might have been helpful for someone.

[Sike]

when my friend planned to meet up with a guy who wanted to take photos of her feet, she met him first at a food court with her girlfriend.

when they met for the photos I was there as well as her gf. we left them alone but --and this is what I think is a good idea under certain meeting circumstances-- he agreed to give his keys to her gf.

He was okay... but had that not been the case, he couldn't drive off with her.

[Sir_Russell]

Both paries need to protect themselves when meeting for the first time. I use set calls to friends at set times and set code words. I give my license number and anything else she needs to feel safe. I have had subs come across the country to be with me and each time I commanded her to set up her safe calls and times. Each experience worked well for us.

I also had my calls set too, even though we think it is the sub that is at risk I know of a few times the Dom got an unpleasant surprise.

[thepast]

As Sir_Russell has mentioned, safeguards are not just for the sub but for the Dom also.

Think about it this way: Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who questions your safety measures on the first meet?

If you are meeting a person for the first time, they should be falling over themselves to give you any kind of contact info you want, and should ensure that you feel SAFE. After all, what is BDSM if it isn't safe? Food for thought.

If/when Torq and I meet others, or I go and meet others, there are HUGE safety procedures in place. I leave my contact info with Him and usually also with my family. Everyone knows where I am going, how I am getting there, when I will be calling, and what to do if I don't call. Crazy? No. Anal? Perhaps. SAFE? Yes.

A good Dom will appreciate you thinking about your safety and thinking through things intelligently.

If you get crap from a Dom on a first-meet about your safety procedures, RUN AWAY. RUN. If they can't be appreciative of vanilla life safety, are they going to be appreciative of BDSM safety?

'Nuff said.

[Ozme52]

Tis true.

[Sir_Russell]

I have said and often that emotionally there is little difference in online and b2b and I mean that. Real life though also means physical and that becomes a challenge to you both.

Can the Dom walk the talk, can the sub do what she has fantasized about. Online of thought is to make it happen at the very begining, be the hard ass demanding Dom to find out is she can take it.

I personally believe that any sub can be pushed to hard and too fast. Most subs need nurturing and rewards so she is hungry for more. Doms move at the pace you feel that you can control totally, remember hearing her beg for more is a great joy.

Long weekends sharing the life together in your roles will give you a feel for how you will be together.

[Wedjat]

Thanks about the safety comments - it's kind of nice, in and odd way, to know that Doms can get nervous too : )

Just hope I can experience one of those long weekends one of these days; it might help answer some of my questions. I'm pretty sure about a lot of the physical stuff, but not clear about the 24/7 part. Thanks for the thoughts about pacing, that's heartening. Take care and I'll start thinking of who I'd call and code words.

[SheepishJaina]

I'd forgotten about writing this thread. All too often we don't hear about the successful meetings. I recently met my dom in RL for the first time. I had safety precautions in place. It was a wonderful meeting, and in no way did he question any of the things I asked for (such as personal info for my family) prior to meeting.

[Sir_Russell]

Part of what makes them successful is the feeling of comfort and safety that preparing for it causes. You know that the Dom cares for your safety since he has helped you to set these up.