Why the 24 hour bdsm?

[erotic_nibbles]

This is probably going to be the worst analogy anyone has ever read, but here's how I look at the BDSM-D/s world of relationships...hopefully Curtis will forgive me for broadly expanding on his veggies outlook...but this is truly how I look at it

To me it's like going to the largest restaurant in the world with the biggest buffet you could ever imagine.....everyone gets to fill their plate with what they love best....the trick is to find someone else with their plate filled with things that are similar, if not the same, as yours.....when you do that hopefully it will work between you......For instance....if I my tastes run to meat and potatoes....hooking up with someone that only eats sushi is probably not a good bet (especially since in Alaska we think they are eating perfectly good bait...go figure)

The point to this very bad analogy is this.....BDSM-D/s has lots of choices and what you and your partner put on your plates to share is your business....in the same way if you look around and notice that someone else is eating nothing but jello and you can't stand jello...that's ok too...you don't have to eat what they do and, more importantly, you don't have to figure out why they love it so much....BUT you do have to let them eat nothing but jello if that's what they want....just like they have to let you eat what ever it is you have on your plate

Also....if someone hates jello but is sitting with a partner that is forcing it down their throat...again, you don't have to understand how or why that works for them....but you do need to realize that anyone can walk away from any plate/meal at any time...so if they are staying there while being force-fed jello...it's because for whatever reason they are choosing to do so

Have I confused you worse?...lol.....this is really the way that I finally worked it out in my mind and I thought it might help you, because I am in your shoes, duktig flicka....I love to be sexually submissive, but the rest of my life is mine and I'm fiercely independent about that...I'm not into punishments either....because I take no pleasure in that and in fact would GREATLY resent it...possibly to the point of leaving.....I don't understand why anyone would willingly submit/participate in something like that ...so I had to take a step back like you are doing and say...OMG people really do this as a lifestyle?!....Yes and they DO enjoy it....and if you don't get it now you may not ever...I still don't fully....I believe it is a different mind set than what you and I have (you could say they have things on their plates that you and I don't even recognize as being edible, although obviously it is for them)...but that doesn't mean we do not belong in the BDSM-D/s community because....

...We can all still share tips and tricks on things we have in common and just sit back and go...hmmmm on things we don't get about other couples...and that's the fun of it in my opinion....the diversity...there is a place for every type of couple in BDSM-D/s in my opinion...even vanilla couples that only break out a silk scarf for a blindfold for one night a year

~~nibbles~~

[Chuckdom19]

This is probably going to be the worst analogy anyone has ever read, but here's how I look at the BDSM-D/s world of relationships...hopefully Curtis will forgive me for broadly expanding on his veggies outlook...but this is truly how I look at it

To me it's like going to the largest restaurant in the world with the biggest buffet you could ever imagine.....everyone gets to fill their plate with what they love best....the trick is to find someone else with their plate filled with things that are similar, if not the same, as yours.....when you do that hopefully it will work between you......For instance....if I my tastes run to meat and potatoes....hooking up with someone that only eats sushi is probably not a good bet (especially since in Alaska we think they are eating perfectly good bait...go figure)

The point to this very bad analogy is this.....BDSM-D/s has lots of choices and what you and your partner put on your plates to share is your business....in the same way if you look around and notice that someone else is eating nothing but jello and you can't stand jello...that's ok too...you don't have to eat what they do and, more importantly, you don't have to figure out why they love it so much....BUT you do have to let them eat nothing but jello if that's what they want....just like they have to let you eat what ever it is you have on your plate

Also....if someone hates jello but is sitting with a partner that is forcing it down their throat...again, you don't have to understand how or why that works for them....but you do need to realize that anyone can walk away from any plate/meal at any time...so if they are staying there while being force-fed jello...it's because for whatever reason they are choosing to do so

Have I confused you worse?...lol.....this is really the way that I finally worked it out in my mind and I thought it might help you, because I am in your shoes, duktig flicka....I love to be sexually submissive, but the rest of my life is mine and I'm fiercely independent about that...I'm not into punishments either....because I take no pleasure in that and in fact would GREATLY resent it...possibly to the point of leaving.....I don't understand why anyone would willingly submit/participate in something like that ...so I had to take a step back like you are doing and say...OMG people really do this as a lifestyle?!....Yes and they DO enjoy it....and if you don't get it now you may not ever...I still don't fully....I believe it is a different mind set than what you and I have (you could say they have things on their plates that you and I don't even recognize as being edible, although obviously it is for them)...but that doesn't mean we do not belong in the BDSM-D/s community because....

...We can all still share tips and tricks on things we have in common and just sit back and go...hmmmm on things we don't get about other couples...and that's the fun of it in my opinion....the diversity...there is a place for every type of couple in BDSM-D/s in my opinion...even vanilla couples that only break out a silk scarf for a blindfold for one night a year

~~nibbles~~

Nibbles, dear, you and all our other friends above have combined to create a document which should be distributed to every joined couple (and a hell of a lot of singles, too), everywhere.

Variety is indeed the spice of life, and many enjoy using the whole rack of spices when cooking (to stretch your analogy to breaking point, sorry). But who am I to look down on the guy who likes ketchup on fish? Or peanut butter on liverwurst?

All the messages above equal a lot more than two cents. About a million dollars more.

(Re: bait: if God had intended us to eat raw fish, She never would have invented the oven.)

[csr]

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/academia.htm

Eraser: this link is wonderful. So much good stuff--my eyes are sore from reading it and I'm still not half done.

This is probably going to be the worst analogy anyone has ever read, but here's how I look at the BDSM-D/s world of relationships...hopefully Curtis will forgive me for broadly expanding on his veggies outlook...but this is truly how I look at it

To me it's like going to the largest restaurant in the world with the biggest buffet you could ever imagine.....

Nibbles: your analogy is absolutely perfect. I hope it sinks in with a lot of people. It amazes me that so many BDSMers spend time in the vanilla world feeling different, then step into a kinky world and expect all the other kinky people to be the same as them!

The BDSM culture should be a model of acceptance internally, since that is what we crave from the rest of the world. Thank you for an excellent post!

BTW: I love sushi... can't get enough. Too bad a fishy smell in my lunch bag is easier to explain at the office than whip marks.

[erotic_nibbles]

Nibbles: [/B] your analogy is absolutely perfect. I hope it sinks in with a lot of people. It amazes me that so many BDSMers spend time in the vanilla world feeling different, then step into a kinky world and expect all the other kinky people to be the same as them!

The BDSM culture should be a model of acceptance internally, since that is what we crave from the rest of the world. Thank you for an excellent post!

BTW: I love sushi... can't get enough. Too bad a fishy smell in my lunch bag is easier to explain at the office than whip marks.

Thank you csr ....I still think it was a bit much but that's the only way I could wrap my head around it myself.....lmao the sushi versus whip marks comment

Thank you too chksng19 ...big kisssssssssssss to you....and OMG please tell your wife that it was a friendly kiss so she doesn't pop me on the back of my head!

~~nibbles~~

[Shadoom]

First of all, I want to apologize in advance to anyone who this offends. Though my response to the 24 hour bdsm is negative, I really am trying to understand it and see the alternative point of view.

It has only recently come to my attention that for some people, bdsm is not just something that is limited to the bedroom, so to speak. As I would absolutely not tolerate anything less than equal treatment from my boyfriend in anything outside of sex, I'm utterly confused and somewhat emotionally distressed by this idea.

Having tried several different types of relationships in my life, I find myself happiest in a 21-year marriage a woman who wants me to push her beyond her barriers, but who is not interested in being humiliated or devalued.

My lovely and talented wife is a brilliant artist, a good mother, and an educated woman. She is also severely repressed by years of parental mental abuse and a terrible, violent rape when she was young. She craves sex, but has deep blocks against it. She also has self-confidence problems, and wants to be pushed to succeed in spite of her fears. So, for her well-being and my own enjoyment, I use various techniques to break through her limitations.

When sex is the rule, I like it hard and on the edge; I want my partner to come hard and often, often beyond their own wishes. The best sex we have is when my wife continues orgasming long after I'm spent; that happens when we get "kinky" and I push her beyond the limits improsed by her Catholic upbringing.

Outside the bedroom, I have no interest in dominating a person merely for the act of dominating them; domination must serve a purpose beyond satifying my male ego. In our case, I dominate my wife's art career; without me pushing her to work, or forcing her to charge money for her skills, she would wallow in self-denigration and waste her talent. So I control her work, setting goals, punishments, and rewards to reach the goal of success (both artistically and financially).

Dominating my wife helps her be more than she could be without it. We both gain.