experienced slave and a wanabe Master with no experience

[robart]

Hello everybody!
I come to seek your advice on a (at least right now) hypothetical situation.

A few informations about myself:
I'm quite interested in bdsm, and have some kind of theoreticle knowledge, such as following discussions on forums like this one. But, for several reasons, I have no real-live experience neither with bdsm, nor - with sex at all.

Anyway, I just had a dream. (Yes, a dream. The ones we use to have when we're asleep.) ( It's about seven in the morning over here...)
It was me, with all the experience I don't really have, an a female submissive with a lot of experience (she seemd to be older, too, but that was just a detail). It was a "meeting-for-a-session", not some kind lasting relationship, so a "sliding in over several month" wasn't an option.
After waking up, I thought about the situation, and what I would/should do if such a situation apeared in real live. I came about several things you just don't think about when adreaming, but in the end I wasn't much wiser.

So: What would you suggest in such a situation? Is there anybody who actually experienced that kind of thing? What would be simple, but never the less "interesting" for an experienced slave?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I know this sounds corny, but the best thing you can probably do to find information fast is A) read a book don BDSM, B) visit BDSM help websites like http://www.castlerealm.com and http://www.adarkwhisper.com, and C) ask a LOT of questions to anybody that will listen to you.

The people here, and there are about 7000 of them last I looked, are fairly knowledgeable, capable of answering your questions, and with that broad of a knowledge base, whatever your kink or experience, it is very likely that someone knows something about it and something to help you.

Also, the person to whom you should be speaking the most is your partner. Ask her questions, tell her your ideas, talk to her about what interests you. The person that can give you the best feedback about your relationship is her.

[MrJerseyGuy]

I don't know if the others will agree with me or not. Personally, I think the whole "meeting for a session" thing makes for a great fantasy. The problem is that it IS a fantasy wherein your partner is into everything you are no matter what it is.

In real life I don't think that's a very practical expectation. I don't know that meeting for a one time sexual experience in the context of bdsm would work. I'd see that as better suited to those with vanilla interests.

[robart]

@Tourguide:
Thanks for the links!

C) ask a LOT of questions to anybody that will listen to you.

Well, just started to do that, didn't I? ;-)

Also, the person to whom you should be speaking the most is your partner. Ask her questions, tell her your ideas, talk to her about what interests you. The person that can give you the best feedback about your relationship is her.

Yep, that's clear. While in such a situation there wouldn't be much of a relationship to give feedback about, talking about ideas and interests would certainly be the key.

The problem is that it IS a fantasy wherein your partner is into everything you are no matter what it is.

I guess it is just like Tourguide said - the key is talking. As long as nobody is fixated on his/her "one-and-only"-fantasy, there should be some fantasies to share.

I'd see that as better suited to those with vanilla interests.

Well, it is less complicated for them, isn't it? No need to be afraid to be forgotten in bondage or being baited by a mob of radical feminists...



Thanks for the answers, both of you!

[slavelucy]

.Well, it is less complicated for them, isn't it? No need to be afraid to be forgotten in bondage or being baited by a mob of radical feminists...

ROFL!

Yeah, i think what MrJG (please correct me if i'm wrong Sir!) could have been referring to was trust; in that clearly you have to trust anyone you go to bed with to some extent, but to do a a BDSM related scene with them, there is a hugely increased need for it and therefore most 'one off' scenes would either be with someone you know or in a safe environment.

As for your actual question, i confess i am a little unclear as to what it actually is Are you asking if it's likely/possible that you would happen to meet an experienced submissive to do a one off scene with? Or are you asking how to get into BDSM? All in all i'd probably concur with the trust thing and ther last paragraph of TG's post.

sl

[PopeRozen]

Lots a ppl will probably disagree here but I don't see anything wrong with a sub teaching an inexperienced Dom. Sure it won't be as fun for either, but then again the Dom would be learning about exactly what the sub will like, which is an advantage.

[slavelucy]

Lots a ppl will probably disagree here but I don't see anything wrong with a sub teaching an inexperienced Dom..

Good point and i deffo wouldn't disagree with that. i wonder though if such a learning situation is more viable in a longer term Ds relationship than a one off scene....(In fact, i think in any relationship, people learn from each other). The only other thing that slightly concerns me, but which i can't really articulate, is that sometimes, submissives are more likely than dominants (not always, admittedly) to need their submissive side bringing out more (developing, understanding etc) than vice versa....hmm, i phrased that really badly, nevermind!

Oh, and welcome to the forums, Pope, nice to have you with us.

sl

[PopeRozen]

...submissives are more likely than dominants (not always, admittedly) to need their submissive side bringing out more...

Thanks for the welcome, lucy. I think that makes perfect sense...our society does value "dominant" traits much more than submissive ones.

[slavelucy]

our society does value "dominant" traits much more than submissive ones.

What an interesting way of putting it, but, now i think about it, yes, you're totally right; it's much more socially acceptable to be dominant than submissive...depends on gender to a certain extent tho..but that's a whole other story!

sl

[MrJerseyGuy]

Lots a ppl will probably disagree here but I don't see anything wrong with a sub teaching an inexperienced Dom. Sure it won't be as fun for either, but then again the Dom would be learning about exactly what the sub will like, which is an advantage.

I'm just throwing this out there...

But my guess is that any experienced sub would prefer and inexperienced Dom to a "poorly" experienced one. No disrespect to us Dom types with this analogy, but training a puppy is easy compared to an older dog where you have to force them to "unlearn" all thier bad habits while trying to teach them good ones. I'm sure there are plenty of novice Doms running around with just enough "experience" to get themselves (or their subs) in trouble.

Also, I only have my one real life Dom/sub relationship to draw knowledge from, but from what I've seen through a year and a half of these forums and chat is that God did not create all subs equal! I would think there is a learning curve for both in any new relationship.

I would think things would progress faster for an experienced couple, but I wouldn't sweat it. For me, exploring limits, trying new things learning.together has been half the fun.

[robart]

Yeah, i think what MrJG (please correct me if i'm wrong Sir!) could have been referring to was trust

Jep, realized that. On the other hand, vanillas tend to have easier ways than such meetings.

Lots a ppl will probably disagree here but I don't see anything wrong with a sub teaching an inexperienced Dom.

A sub taught dom... interesting idea.
I once read that the best doms are the once who were subs them selfs, but a sub-taught dom could get rather good too... *g*
On the other hand, many vanilla&sub relationships end up that way, so a sub-taugt dom can't be such a rarity.

our society does value "dominant" traits much more than submissive ones

Hm, that's a point of view, or rather - a point of society. Living several thousand kilometers away from you, both may differ.

As for your actual question, i confess i am a little unclear as to what it actually is

Well, to a friend I formulated it that way: Imagine I had her perfectly bound up on the bed - and wouldn't know where to lick her..


(If you want to know: My friend told me that she didn't realize I was into SM, which surprised me. Then she explained to me in exact detail how to lick pussy...)

(by the way: what is the political correct translation for "licking pussy"? "licking vagina"?? )

[mythicat]

(by the way: what is the political correct translation for "licking pussy"? "licking vagina"?? )

Cunnilingus, I would assume.

[Texxx]

Hell man,

You can spend years here listening to people "ADVISE" you. Do some reading...then get off your butt and get out there. Find a local club, join....go...regularly. Be yourself, be honest.....Have a good job .... SPEND some cash ..drive a nice car, use the brain God gave yah .....In short show people by your deeds that YOU are a Master!

In all Honesty ... there is not a Dom in all BDSM ... That was not in some way trained by His first true sub, His second, His third .....

In fact when you discuss limits .... guess what ..... you are being trained. When you read these posts ..... that is training.

BDSM in My mind is much more ... something that is natural ...Yet has been beat'n down by the Bull shit world W/we live in ..... Training is not really that at all ..... it's getting back to the nature of Man and His true roll as the total Master of His domain.

Do not be pushy and the sub you seek will find you.

DO NOT JUMP ON THE BONES OF THE FIRST GIRL THAT APPROACHES YAH

DO NOT JOIN THE FIRST GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT SEEK YOUR FRIENDSHIP .... WATCH THE MEMBERS OF THE CLUB ... IN A SHORT TIME YOU'LL FIND THE CLICK TO WITCH YOU BELONG...

In My Mind that is the nature of things.


Think about it

I'm am not an authority on this subject ..... In fact, My thoughts may differ greatly from those that are more learned in the life style .... I have never allowed that to bother Me .... I seek what My life needs ..... I get what I seek.

TEXXX
GOREAN MASTER

[robart]

I can't say I share your views when it comes to antropology - but I followed your advice to get out there. Went to an lokal bdsm-meeting just yesterday.

[slavelucy]

I can't say I share your views when it comes to antropology - but I followed your advice to get out there. Went to an lokal bdsm-meeting just yesterday.

Great, good on ya robart! How did it go?

sl

[robart]

Well - it wasn't really exciting - to say the truth: it was somewhere between fairly relaxing, somewhat interesting and sometimes slightly boring...
bdsm was a topic, and while I learned something about SM-cons and could admire a (very well made) homemade-spreading-metal-dildo, I also learned about hotel-managing, manipulation of scooters and the tests one has to do if he wants to become a cook...

[slavelucy]

bdsm was a topic, and while I learned something about SM-cons and could admire a (very well made) homemade-spreading-metal-dildo, I also learned about hotel-managing, manipulation of scooters and the tests one has to do if he wants to become a cook...

ROFL!! Oh robart, the way you put that is just SO funny. i like it.

So...when you want to become a hotel-running, BDSM practicing, master chef, who goes and collects his subs on a scooter..you'll be good to go!!

All part of life's rich tapestery i guess.

sl

[mythicat]

For better or worse, kinksters are people too. We talk about a lot of the same boring things everyone else talks about when we get together. *shrug*

[spike]

For better or worse, kinksters are people too. We talk about a lot of the same boring things everyone else talks about when we get together. *shrug*

amen

Spike

[slavelucy]

For better or worse, kinksters are people too. We talk about a lot of the same boring things everyone else talks about when we get together. *shrug*

Oh yeah, absolutely agreed, we all have lives, was just laughing at the amusing way it was put, tis all.

Kink or no kink though, i am unsure quite how much conversation about scooters i could stand, whether or not it be at a BDSM related event!

sl