Feedback Request

[soleil]

Hi

I've just completed my first serialised story and am working on my second.

Before I go too much further with it, I'd appreciate some constructive feedback on my writing style so that I can improve.

The story, "Captured!", can be found here.

[emmaadmirer]

Hello sunshine!
I love your story. I won't be able to help you to improve your writing (my english editor is not with me, but I will ask him to tell you, what he thinks-he helped me with some chapters)
I hope (and beg ) you will post some more, because you seem to be a very strong (don't blame me for this) submissive. From what you explained to me, you only should stay as close to your desires, as you did with Captured!. Then nothing can stop you, dear sunshine!

[soleil]

Thanks for your comments, Emma, and for those of your editor's, if he has time

A friend once told me subs are some of the strongest people he knows. I certainly found strength and peace in my submission.

I've hit a bit of a writer's block with my new story - perhaps inspiration will find me again.

[emmaadmirer]

hi again,
just wanted to tell you something, that seems not to be necesarry. You said a friend told you, that submissives are some of the strongest people he knows. I think we are equal to those, who dominate (although I'm called Hihi girl or just Hihi now by my Sir-by the way, Emma is not my name, she was the one, who inspired me, I like to be called Hihi girl)
Since my last relationship, which still hurts me, I had a short one, that introduced me to BDSM. Although it wasn't great, I continued his story, which is called Lisa got more than she asked for, because he told me to. After some time it became a thrill for me, because I liked that image a lot, to be at the mercy of some adolescents.

[soleil]

Hi Hihi girl

We subs would be lost without Dom/mes and vice versa. It's a balance, a wonderful balance, and if you're lucky enough to find the other half of Y/you that makes the magical whole, it's a rare and beautiful experience.

I liked your story very much, you did well

[emmaadmirer]

Thank you sunshine!

My Sir, who I only meet online, sigh, is very soft with me. Although I encourage him from time to time to make me do more severe tasks, he insists on me slowing down. I think, he doesn't want me to get hurt, mentally and phisically.
My question is, when my Sir tells me to slow down, should I be more patient? ( I feel really comfortable with him and trust him because of his being very careful with me)
I love the way he treats me, and I think, I wouldn't trust him that much, if he was more demanding.

[Venus]

Soleil,

I loved your story. I think it is very beautifuly written.

[soleil]

Originally posted by emmaadmirer
Thank you sunshine!

My Sir, who I only meet online, sigh, is very soft with me. Although I encourage him from time to time to make me do more severe tasks, he insists on me slowing down. I think, he doesn't want me to get hurt, mentally and phisically.
My question is, when my Sir tells me to slow down, should I be more patient? ( I feel really comfortable with him and trust him because of his being very careful with me)
I love the way he treats me, and I think, I wouldn't trust him that much, if he was more demanding.

Every D/s relationship is different but I think perhaps the cornerstones are the same - respect, trust and (if you're lucky) love.

If you've given your submission to your Dom, it's right that he's the one guiding the relationship, within the bounds of SSC, of course.

Don't be in too much of a rush to get somewhere; the journey's part of the fun and sometimes we focus so much on what's ahead that we fail to appreciate the here and now.

Besides, a bit of patience might save you from a cyber spanking for topping from the bottom

They don't tend to like that, yannow

[soleil]

Originally posted by Venus
Soleil,

I loved your story. I think it is very beautifuly written.

Thanks, Venus