Financial Domination

[lily27]

Like many others, I have a problem with these online Net Dommes who are only out to get into some poor sob's wallet.

BDSM is supposed to be about mutual respect, and fulfillment. It is my impression that most of these "women" don't care about their "subs" and are only in it for the money.

If people want to include financial denomination within their relationship, more power to them. But when someone decides to set up a website just to milk people of money, that's just wrong.

[Flaming_Redhead]

OK...here's my take on it. *deep breath* I'm in no way saying I condone anyone taking money from another for selfish reasons, but a fool and his money are soon parted. There's one born every minute. It all boils down to supply and demand. *leaves quickly*

[dynamicbuttler]

Amen.

[TomOfSweden]

OK...here's my take on it. *deep breath* I'm in no way saying I condone anyone taking money from another for selfish reasons, but a fool and his money are soon parted. There's one born every minute. It all boils down to supply and demand. *leaves quickly*

Some people just aren't good with money. My ex wife had more money available late in the month once she gave it all to me. She really needed someone to hold all her money and be her accountant. Which I was in a way.

She wanted to buy so much worthless shit all the time. Such a spoiled brat. She just didn't have any filters in her brain preventing her from buying stuff she wanted but didn't need.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Some people just aren't good with money.

This is true. I'm not saying that financial domination can't be a good thing. When I was married, that was the only thing my husband ever did that could be termed dominant. He handled balancing the checkbook and paying bills. I didn't necessarily have to ask him for money or permission to buy things. The only time I asked was if it was more than a couple hundred dollars just to make sure it wasn't gonna get us in a bind since I really had no clue. I was just stating my opinion of the online crap that everyone thinks is so wrong. It is morally wrong, but people also need to take responsibility and stop playing the victim all the time. I'm sorry (not really) if I sound unsympathetic to their plight, but it's not as if they're being forced or duped out of their cold hard cash.

[cariad]

Was trying to work out why I happily allow someone to hold the purse strings for me, but think the kind financial domination which this thread opened with is wrong.

I think that it is to do with responsibility. Although he has control over our finances, I know my Dom would give me his last penny if I needed it, because he considers himself to be responsible for me and truly cares for me. Does the same sense of responsibility apply in these situations? I have no first, or even second hand experience of them, but I suspect the answer is no.

cariad

[Princi]

This is only my third post so excuse any faux pas. This is a rather compelling topic on a couple of levels. As for the online Dommes who provide this service, I can not really see any reason to fault them (unless they are defrauding or outright stealing from their clients/customers.) It might just be that some submissives just want to experience this form of domination and have set aside a certain amount of money to do so, they might not be looking for any long term or deeper relationship (maybe its just curiosity, who knows?)

I believe that some false assumptions are implicit in the criticisms that have been lodged towards this service. For one, the necessity of a longer term, deep commitment; it might be that everybody here is seeking such a type of relationship, but that might not be the desire of the client/customer base of these online Dommes. Another assumption is that the individuals purchasing the service are being defrauded somehow, this can only be established if we know for certainty that all these online Dommes are misrepresenting their intentions. I checked out two of these sites out of curiosity (and I recall seeing one in the past) and the services were pretty straight forward, "you are paying me to use you!" If this is the service that is being purchased, then what is the issue? I understand that many might not like this type of interaction, but we are not the arbiters of others tastes and desires. We can not assume that we understand the ends that other individuals seek, which I think is a third false assumption (not just in this regard, but outside of the context of this discussion, this is one of the most prevalent biases that humanity has.) Our own ends are not necessarily the ends of our neighbors.

It strikes me as odd that the thread on bestiality was received with much more of an open mind than this financial domination thread was. I will argue the reason people were more open minded about the bestiality discussion is because no one discussed an exchange of money. Some how, because money is exchanged, these financial domination services are seen as exploitative. I generally disagree with such assessments, and I disagree with that assessment in this regard. So what if these individuals are prostituting themselves, it's their choice and it is a voluntary one. If this community operates under the assumption that consensual, voluntary acts and relationships are perfectly legitimate how can members of this community condemn a consensual relationship that they do not understand (and may find distasteful) without undermining their belief of consensual relationships?

My apologies for the long post (my intent is not to dominate [no pun intended] the discussion or offend anyone.) If I have misinterpreted the arguments being made, I apologize. I felt I had to say something because I have sense that our society today is becoming increasingly intolerant, especially when it comes to issues concerning the exchange of goods and services for money. I would hope that is not what is occurring in this situation.

Regards,
Princi

[Hime]

Selling your body and your services in any way could be labeled as prostitution if you're in the mood for it, (like going to a normal job we'd rather not do). But if the slave gives freely to the Master/Misstress and there is no service or negotiated number, than that can impossibly be called prostitution.

Yeah, let's not go down the road that some countries have, where *nurses* have been the victims of sexual assaults based on the justification that they touch men as part of their job, therefore they must be prostitutes (don't get me started on the idea that "it's not rape if she's a prostitute"). A prostitute is someone who has sex for money, period.

And also, wtf is with the idea that anyone can *expect* sex out of a relationship with a person they may not have even met? Pro, amateur, sub, dom, whatever, everyone has the right to hold out on sex until they feel ready, or completely avoid it if they aren't comfortable with the situation. IMHO there isn't anything wrong with stating upfront that one isn't offering sex, especially if the person in question is a Domme and has the kind of in-your-face style that tends to be associate with them.

I guess all in all, I really don't quite understand what makes this so offensive to people. Most of us have paid for porn, and plenty have paid for phone sex, strip shows, etc. Guys say that they hate to see women making money off of good looks and little talent, but they continue to spend their money on Maxim and pay $10.00 for an overcooked burger at Hooters. Do you think that those girls should offer their services pro bono?

Honestly, looking good is a lot of work. I have spent some time in the performing arts industry (non-sex-related), and you wouldn't believe how much time and effort goes into costuming, makeup, fitness, hair, skincare, to say nothing of technicalities like underwear that don't show and run-free hose. And that's not counting the time it takes for even a very attractive person, impeccably dressed and made-up, to do a decent photo shoot -- yes, even (insert your unattainable Hollywood crush here) has to pose for a whole lot of photos before getting one just right. If girls want to run websites to earn some money, they aren't just sitting on their pretty butts waiting for the cash to roll in, they are actively competing in a saturated market to get noticed and provide a product that, face it, people want.

Not your thing, fine. Not my thing, either (although I have thought idly about starting a pin-up website, I'm not a Domme and not interested in being trailed around online by needy guys). But I really can't stand the attitude that women should be strong and dominant... as long as they don't feel entitled to anything, or expect men to actually respect them, or...

[_ID_]

Princi - I am glad you posted. It's refreshing to see someone write how they feel, rather than just jumping on the bandwagon of what everyone else says.

I don't care if anyone else disagrees with me, but I always give their view some consideration, because, what if my view is the wrong one.

Now as far as how you view it, there are some things about BDSM that must be considered when thinking about Domination. Yes, the pro sites are just that, pro. There shouldn't be any expectation that there would be a relationship of sorts. I don't care if its viewed as Dominant prostitution, so what, there are plenty of pro Dom/mes out there.

What I do have issue with is in BDSM there is an exchange of power, even in this financial arena. As such there is also going to be a need for care of the submissive. I believe it becomes neglect when these pro dommes have a submissive that seems to think this domme actually gives a shit about them, actually 'gifts' them money. Now if the relationship is similar to other pro domme services (pay to get your ass welted, zero aftercare) and the submissive is aware of this going in. Then I have no issues. However, I have seen it where it wasn't that way, and I was rather displeased that it was seen as BDSM.

[cariad]

This is only my third post so excuse any faux pas.

Thank you taking the plunge Princi, and we look forward to many more of your posts.

My apologies for the long post (my intent is not to dominate [no pun intended] the discussion or offend anyone.) If I have misinterpreted the arguments being made, I apologize. I felt I had to say something because I have sense that our society today is becoming increasingly intolerant, especially when it comes to issues concerning the exchange of goods and services for money. I would hope that is not what is occurring in this situation.

Please do not apologise for an eloquent expression of a sincere view.

Your post challenged me as to why I was not more open in my opinion of this kind of domination. Apart from a gut feel that is simply wrong, I have spoken a few male subs here who have entered into such a relationship, or are considering doing so. In each case they have been earnestly seeking a relationship not a commercial arrangement.

I have copied below a letter which one of these male subs forwarded to me, with identification carefully removed. To me it is clear that the Mistress concerned is thinking commercially - "No gift means no further correspondence but a generous gift and things could flourish", but is doing so with the promise of the relationship which my friend was seeking. Had my friend replied to this letter, containing the 'gift' requested, I am quite sure that the additional information which he provided would have been used to extract further payments from him; "You will then be easier to manipulate"

From my perspective Domination, whether within a relationship or a commercial agreement, is never manipulative.

To my way of thinking, if you accept the principle of financial domination being acceptable within a relationship, then the relationship should come before the financial part. If it is purely a commercial arrangement, then it should not be disguised as a relationship.

cariad

slave

First of all my name is, Mistress xxx. You replied to the advert that I placed. The advert is looking for a submissive male. Let me tell you a bit about me. I am a recently single, attractive lifestyle Dominatrix. I have a job and live in my own place. I am single and looking for a relationship not clients.

I live a conventional life but outside of that I love to become the dominant one in a relationship. I have been to fetish clubs before but I am not really an exhibitionist. Private parties are ok if you know the right groups. As far as looks go I am slim ,elegant and attractive. You will not be disappointed when you see me and that is all that you need to know right now. I have a picture with my advert in case you missed it. For the moment I will only let you call me Mistress xxx.

I have all of the right clothes, shoes etc, a very full wardrobe. I am looking for someone to have a very good relationship with both in femdom and in vanilla. I am trying you as your reply was quite good and you seemed genuine but I realise not much can be said in an introduction.

I am looking for a long term relationship rather than a casual one. If you are still around and you want to become my boyfriend/slave then you will need to send me a respectable begging response. Tell me more about yourself and your submissive fantasies, briefly for now. I want to know what you think about and what your fantasies are. It gives me a great deal of power and control over you. I can tease, deny or grant you your desires for obedient behaviour. You will then be easier to manipulate and be even more submissive to me, the way I like it. Although you should have gathered that I don't want a complete wimp. Afterwards I will arrange for an interview.

An interview with a difference that is, crawling to me on your hands and knees is not the usual procedure for an important job, is it. You will of course do whatever I say won't you.. I am a very strict Mistress and I always expect to get my way. If you were to disobey me then I will hurt you in my own special way, if you were to deliberately disobey as I have seen some men do then I am not interested, that is not the point. You will have to wear a dogs collar when you come to my house which has my name on it and you will have to buy yourself a dog bowl. Expect to be tied up frequently as I do love bondage and seeing my slave helpless. I also like a responsive slave so remember that.

When you reply to me I will send you some photos of me (Aren't I nice). This will give you an idea of what I look like and you can then judge whether you feel capable and worthy of serving me. I can be evil and bitchy as well as your fantasy. This is your first test, I expect you to send some cash to cover the cost of the photos in case you get cold feet later. Why you say. Well if you can obey this most annoying of orders then it shows that you are for real and not a no hoper. I have come across insincere time wasters before who promise to do anything and be totally submissive but end up only doing what they want and wouldn't even buy a bottle of water if it wasn't for their own benefit. Believe me there are some incredibly selfish men out there who just play with themselves by their keyboards. If you find this order difficult then go and pay for a session and theres no need contacting me again.

I am looking for something on a longer term basis and something a lot deeper. I want a slave/boyfriend who is submissive but also not afraid or petty minded. I do not intend writing endless letters, you are either in or your out. Putting it another way if you are the type of man who panics, thinking they may lose some money in the post then you are not worth knowing anyway. Have I made myself clear. Use something registered if you are worried about sending money in the post.

I hope that I have not mistaken you, as you seemed genuine. Remember me being cruel turns you on and makes you even more submissive, I have seen it before in my old relationships and I know what to do. When you see my pictures you will want to get on your knees and crawl before me. I deserve to have a submissive at my feet and if you are fortunate enough you can serve me and become my slave. You will not escape from an evil bitch like me. We will have a relationship outside of SM as well, but for the beginning we will keep it like this until we meet. Hurry up as well, it has been some time and I think I'm getting withdrawal symptoms. So be quick slave.

Aren't I bitchy. Nearly forgot I will give you my address to write to xxx. Write to me here with a proper letter and enclose your gift for my photos. No gift means no further correspondence but a generous gift and things could flourish. Yes I am a bitch.
Mistress xxx

[ShadowyFox]

First of all, I apologize for the long time between responses to the thoughts that were provoked. I took them in, as I began to understand my personal philosophy on the topic.

I think I am finally beginning to understand my true interest in both the recreational and the truly d/s relationships. I define the recreational as those professionals who are paid for certain negotiated things, and the true d/s relationships as what is specifically outlined in most introductory material on the subject. The Master/Slave relationship that is personal and very protective.

The interest in the first is a bit on the narcissistic side. It could also be said that it is a matter of raising horribly low self-confidence. To give money just to speak to, to just have a picture of, or an online conversation with someone is so very intoxicating. Unhealthy, but so very intoxicating. I guess it's just a matter of not using that as an abusive method on someone who is addicted and who cannot safely manage their money. Discretion, discretion, discretion.

The true, real relationship is actually a matter of using my favorite thing of the Daddy/Dom, which allows me to give an "allowance" to a "little girl", or to pay a servant. To me, that makes absolute and perfect sense. It helps enhance the total experience, at least in my mind. Now, even if you have someone who does the accounts, I think that keeping that "tight ship" mentality still works. It allows a person to get accounts all in order, and keep a dom and his slave(s) relaxed and not worried.

[Timberwolf]

OK...here's my take on it. *deep breath* I'm in no way saying I condone anyone taking money from another for selfish reasons, but a fool and his money are soon parted. There's one born every minute. It all boils down to supply and demand. *leaves quickly*

I don't disagree with the statement, but the fact someone is exploitable doesn't excuse doing so. If that's what is going on - as I've said, I think financial domination, like most anything in D/s, has both its good and bad forms. The action isn't inherrently "wrong" on its own, it depends very much on how and why it is being used.