Should a submissve know or not know???

[laine]

Hello A/all

Question for a Master or Mistress : Do you let your submissive know how long she must endure something, such as kneeling in a certain position, corner time, ect Or how many swats she is going to recieve for her punishment?

If you do choose to let your submissive know: please explain why

If you dont let your submissive know: please explain why


Question for a submissive/slave:

Would you rather know what and how many is coming to you ?

Or would you rather not know and just go with the flow so to speak

Please explain if for it or if against knowing



thanks bunches

laine

[Ozme52]

Sorry laine. There's no way (for me) to answer.

In real life it's always situational.

Online, there's usually some limit.. because she must follow the orders on my behalf... but I often interpose and half the punishment or double the punishment... just so nothing can be taken for granted.

[cariad]

In r/l I have never been told. O/l has varied - but it seems odd to me to have that degree of knowledge, and knowledge is a form of control. It allows me to anticipate and pace myself, and I feel less completely under his control.

cariad

[ObeyMe]

Thankfully, I dont need to dole out punishment often, but I generally, dont discuss it, until time, then apply it without the level being told to her.

O/L, I generally, gave a time line.

[~hellish one~]

hmm...well...since we are online, most of the time i do know. and i love knowing. but if we are on the phone, sometimes we just go with the flow and i don't know.

the one thing i can't stand (and he knows this) is not knowing how long i have to take a punishment. grrrrrrr...i can't stand it. i don't mean how long i have to stand in the corner or something like that...he always tells me that. i'm referring to other things, like having privileges taken away for a certain amount of time. for example...i screwed up and have had an early bedtime for the past several days now. omg it SUCKS! i've asked "how long?" and his answer is always "when i say so."

sometimes it's good to know....sometimes it's good not to know! me...i'd rather know!! i hate not knowing!!! but like i said, he knows that about me and uses it to his advantage by not telling me!

[rce]

It is entirely due to the situation, thus it is impossible to give any rules. Why would it be in any other way? One of the joys of dominance plays is that you make a lot up as it comes.

[Swtsubmissve]

generally i dont know the length of physical punishments (whippings and such) however like hellish was saying its good know the lengths of other types of punishments such as i once had a no communication punishment... and i was told it was two weeks long... ws able to cope with that and thus got punishment ended early... sometimes its nice to know... others its not... thats part of submission though... your letting someone control you...

[pejanon]

As it has been pointed out - submission is in a good part about giving over the control. So when I submit I don't really want to know - except in some general sense. On the other hand if it is something I realy dread - knowing *that* will happen is even worse (or better, heh heh).


As to punishments - it depends of course on the type of punishment, circumstances, mood, etc.

Sometimes the punishment is predefined, known and executed at once. Serious punishments often include sentence "It over when *I* say it is over."

A subbie can TRY to bargain her way out of it .......

[Ozme52]

Pej... In that case...

...a 'to be determined' number of hours of punishment for those typos. weg*

[pejanon]

what typos? lol (ok so i cheated)

but i will be happy to deliver 'to be determined' punishment to my spellchecker.

[TomOfSweden]

It depends on what I think is most fun. Sometimes time limits are necessary because there's a schedule to keep. There's no hard and fast rule. But I tend to hate to explain myself. I just want my orders obeyed.

[Daes]

In my last few sessions I was not told what was going to happen, though did see the equiptment, it was scary and exciting and Oh god it was fun and deliciously painful. It was a very rewarding experience that Im grateful for.

I think him telling me would have taken away from the anticipation, so overall this was more exciting for me. I was blindfolded and gagged.. He did an excellent job of reading my body language because some of the things really pushed my buttons and hurt like Hell.. (caution taken)

But I do see the use in that kind of discussion, especially if you're moving into things that might be pushing limits. Although there are other ways you can let your partner know what's coming During a scene before it actually happens rather than speaking about it beforehand. ie sliding a bullwhip around her body, letting her smell the wax from the candle burning, lightly drawing the needles across her skin without breaking it etc.

Of course use safe signals/words as necessary to keep communication, as long as there's backup for if anything happens, I dont think theres anything wrong with not knowing whats happening. If everyone knows limitations etc beforehand, there shouldnt be a problem. Read body language, have common sense, and all is good.

I guess more or less I go with it, my partners would know what i was willing to experience beforehand that anything they do wouldn't be a problem. Lest I kick their ass when they untie me. ^_^'

~Daes

[jmanque]

If I had known some of the things my first mistress was training me for I would have bailed before we began. I don’t know if she would have told a more advanced sub, but I think she knew she might scare a newbie away. These weren’t punishments, rather general kinks, but I think it applies. She was able to mold me to her desires by taking small steps, and it was a fulfilling, if terrifying, experience. As such I think it’s always better for the dom/domme to guide (while respecting any hard limits), leaving communication channels open.


J.M.

[Stone]

well shit this is a hard one when i tell her how many swats she will get it allways ends up being more.allways get caught up in the moment you know hehe.So sometimes when i am feeling especially frisky i do not tell her how many she will get.it all depends on the mood i am in at the moment.