Lost

[slaveangel{HM}]

Words cannot truly
Express how I am feeling
The wash of shame
And embarrassment
Over my professional abilities
I gave my heart and soul
It was more than just work
For me it was my life
Seeing the smiles
On students faces
Walking in with my head
Held so high a smile on my lips
Working with those peers who
I can consider life long friends
Hearing those words
Called in her office
You were unsuccessful
Sending daggers through my heart
Choking back tears
Unable to hold back
Sobs of anguish and disbelief
Feeling a hand on my shoulder
Telling me that it is okay
Being escorted to my car
So that parents with prying eyes
Cannot see my anguish, my tears
Told to not attend tonight's meeting
As talk of next year may be too painful
My life has been delivered another
Hurting and stinging blow
Moreso now than before
As I always used to say
I can fall back on my career
But that now too
Has gone
I will miss my classroom
Students who I adore
My peers and collegues
New Teacher day will be hell
Seeing another take over
My classroom for an hour
With students that should
Have been mine
Students that I should nurture
Guide and assist
I have three more weeks
Left in my safezone
Before I am cast out
On my own
People say it isn't the end
Teachers are needed
Applied for 28 positions now
Not one call back for an interview
Feeling helpless and worthless
My love was teaching at this school
The work and effort and strength
I put in, even through
My trials and tribulations
Amount to nothing


********


Special hugs to those on here (Yyou know who Yyou are) who took the time and consideration to read my application for this school and at least word me up to get me to interview stage...I suppose......it's fate that I cannot continue to work in an environment that has become so endearing and special in my life.

Perhaps it isn't so bleak, as my old Master used to say...I can always go back to being a subsitute subby teacher. *small smile*

[Avely]

Dear sweet angel,

I know I am a stranger to you, as our paths have yet to cross in this forum, but through your post above, and those elsewhere in the forum, I’ve found in you the teacher I can finally speak to, on behalf of all those to whom I never did.

There are about 5 individuals who have had the greatest influence on the course of my life and how I choose to lead it: my parents, a friend, and two teachers. These two teachers truly cared about their students. They didn’t consider teaching to be a job, but rather conduit through which they could help students discover their dreams, pursue their interests, and grow towards the individuals they wanted themselves to be. These teachers, like you, poured their heart and soul into their work, and it is this heartfelt goodness they selflessly gave to students like me that helped me become the successful, confidant, open-minded individual that I am. I owe so much to rare and beautiful people like you.

I say this to you, as I wish I had said to them: from the bottom of my heart to the the depths of my soul, thank you.

Feeling helpless and worthless
My love was teaching at this school
The work and effort and strength
I put in, even through
My trials and tribulations
Amount to nothing

I understand your hurt, sorrow, and frustration, but please, I beg you, do not ever feel worthless. Your effort, strength, love and devotion are felt, received and cherished dearly by your students; and although the impact you’ve had on so many lives may not be something tangible, it is perhaps the greatest achievement a teacher can strive to accomplish. Your trials and tribulations have amounted to so increadibly much more than ‘nothing’. Perhaps life is pushing you in a new direction that you may find even more rewarding than teaching, or perhaps you will find yourself drawn to areas of specialty teaching where an individual as dedicated, caring and selfless as yourself is a necessity. Regardless of where the winds of fate lead you, people will be lucky to have made your acquaintance, and blessed to be able to call you a friend.

*gentle hugs*

Avely

[slaveangel{HM}]

Avely, your words mean so much to me, and brighten my soul, thankyou. *hug*

[poetic_justice]

*warm gentle hugs*

[Valkyrie402]

angel, I don't know you..... but I do know that everything happens for a reason... A door must close for another to open - that is how energy flows in the universe... Know that you have made a difference as those before me have said in their posts. Allow yourself to grieve... but be open to the newness that life will surely bring your way...

I wish you comfort and strength on your journey...