Pet Peeves of the online community

[abitbent]

I wrote this awhile ago, but wanted to share it with you guys for a laugh or two.


For a lot of us, the internet has been the virtual key to the closet door. An all too familiar story I hear, is that if it weren't for the internet BDSM community, most kinklings would still be thinking that they are the only one for miles around who has this kinky affliction.

In an effort to learn more about myself, I use the internet as a great portal for BDSM resource material. It's a great place where you can read about or chat with like minded folk, in an effort to learn more about ourselves.

What I quickly realized over the last 6 or 7 years of online activity, is that even though most of us are like minded, we are not all exactly the same. (a topic all of its own) However in my internet travels I've tried tirelessly to keep an open mind. That being said, I have to admit, that there are some things about the online lifestyle that drive me absolutely batty. Pet Peeves of the online BDSM community that even though I've tried to tolerate with an open mind, I just shake my head every time I see them. I though maybe you'd get a chuckle or perhaps a nod in agreement by me posting a few of my "Online BDSM Pet Peeves" and perhaps add a few yourself.

My intent here sincerely is not to offend, but to share an opinion.

1) The use of the word "one" or "one's" when people try to describe a persons actions or feelings. "It all depends on how it affects one's feelings..." This conotation pops up all over the place and it drives me crazy.

2) At some point, in every BDSM story, you'll read this sentence "I stepped back to admire my handiwork."

3) Political correctness gone bezerk when P/people decide that it's appropriate to make sure T/they don't offend O/others by using ambiguous C/capital and S/small letters. Give it a rest, we get the point.

4) People who reffer to themselves as the third person. (especially submissives) "Sir, this little one would humbly request to go to bed." "This ones stomach is grumbling because she's hungry." ARRRG! I know this is heavy in the Gor lifestyle, but it drives me batty.

5) The need for people to try and impress by using old victorian English while in chat or posts. "How is thou this eve?" Please folks, Hamlet has left the building.

6) Mistresses seeking financial slaves. Enough said.

7) Chat rooms that are dominated by a couple cyber playing in the main chat window. Private message windows are a wonderful thing and free of charge.

8) Unrealistic scenarios of D/s portrayed as everyday activities. "My Dom makes me kneel in the corner on thumbtacks for 10 hours for punishment"

9) Fakes, Professionals and attention getters who aren't into BDSM because they've known for a very long time that they were different, but are here for profit, thrill or boredom alone.

10) BDSM preachers who claim that their views are the way it should be, and you should share in that opinion.

11) The stigma that all submissive men are sissies, whimps and doormats. Some of us kneel proudly and strongly, but only for the right person.

Well I've vented and feel better. I'd love to hear your thoughts and perhaps even add a few peeves yourself!

bent

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by abitbent
2) At some point, in every BDSM story, you'll read this sentence "I stepped back to admire my handiwork."

Not in any of mine, but I get your drift.

3) Political correctness gone bezerk when P/people decide that it's appropriate to make sure T/they don't offend O/others by using ambiguous C/capital and S/small letters. Give it a rest, we get the point.

You should read one of the threads I posted. You'd realize that I, too, have covered this issue. LOL Check it out here. You might also be interested in reading this one.

4) People who reffer to themselves as the third person. (especially submissives) "Sir, this little one would humbly request to go to bed." "This ones stomach is grumbling because she's hungry." ARRRG! I know this is heavy in the Gor lifestyle, but it drives me batty.

AH yes, the Gor contribution. You know? Gor was neat when it was fiction. It was kinda cute to go "Wow. Now, there's an idea." However, it is not nearly as cute now that it has become a bible for some BDSMers. If you can even call them that. More like D&D players with a bondage spin.

5) The need for people to try and impress by using old victorian English while in chat or posts. "How is thou this eve?" Please folks, Hamlet has left the building.

It's "How art thou..." Get it right! LOL

8) Unrealistic scenarios of D/s portrayed as everyday activities. "My Dom makes me kneel in the corner on thumbtacks for 10 hours for punishment"

I agree completely. I guess these people don't have diapres to change or kids to feed, though.

9) Fakes, Professionals and attention getters who aren't into BDSM because they've known for a very long time that they were different, but are here for profit, thrill or boredom alone.

Yeah. We've had several of these types here these last many months. Fortunately, most of them seem content to leave after awhile.

I, myself, am not a professional dominant, but I do take more of an interest in this lifestyle than many, even if I am unable to practice it as much as I want. I still have an urgent desire to help others find their directions and to answer questions and teach people how all this works.

10) BDSM preachers who claim that their views are the way it should be, and you should share in that opinion.

Amen, brother!

[Finding_Fantasy]

I agree with your points and they drive me around the bed as well. I just didn't put it quite as well as you.

[c69jay]

This is my first post here, but i must agree with all of those. The other thing is that about a year ago Master had to do an interview for a class He was taking, and i became the subject. Although real names were not used, it became a huge thing, and we both decided that it was essentially time to come out of the closet. This being said, my biggest pet peeve is Dom/mes online who message me on an IM and immediately expect me to call them by a title. No offense, but i firmly believe a Dom/me, Master, Mistress, sub, slave, etc... should EARN the title given them. If a guy is called Sir by his girlfriend, that's fine, but don'e expect me to.

[boccaccio2000g]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by abitbent


My intent here sincerely is not to offend, but to share an opinion.

1) The use of the word "one" or "one's" when people try to describe a persons actions or feelings. "It all depends on how it affects one's feelings..." This conotation pops up all over the place and it drives me crazy.

Why would one want to complain about that? ;-)


2) At some point, in every BDSM story, you'll read this sentence "I stepped back to admire my handiwork."

I have to plead guilty on that score (although I do it in the third person); but I think there is often a good reason for employing that cliche. It gives one ;-) a chance to describe an attractive victim who is bound or otherwise arranged in an unusual position that warrants some description.

3) Political correctness gone bezerk when P/people decide that it's appropriate to make sure T/they don't offend O/others by using ambiguous C/capital and S/small letters. Give it a rest, we get the point.

Yep; In B/boccaccio's opinion that's a silly affectation.


4) People who refer to themselves in the third person

See reply to #3


5) The need for people to try and impress by using old victorian English while in chat or posts. "How is thou this eve?" Please folks, Hamlet has left the building.

Such posturings offendeth me too.

9) Fakes, Professionals and attention getters who aren't into BDSM because they've known for a very long time that they were different, but are here for profit, thrill or boredom alone.

But here I cannot agree. What's wrong with relieving bordeom by means of vicarious thrills?

10) BDSM preachers who claim that their views are the way it should be, and you should share in that opinion.

Amen.



Well I've vented and feel better. I'd love to hear your thoughts and perhaps even add a few peeves yourself!


While I took issue with one or two, you covered most of my favorites.

Boccaccio

[rallan]

"1) The use of the word "one" or "one's" when people try to describe a persons actions or feelings. "It all depends on how it affects one's feelings..." This conotation pops up all over the place and it drives me crazy."

Man oh man but one hates that. I mean really, it's a cheap trick to try and make it sound like they're smart when they're giving an opinion, and all it does is make them sound like Prince Charles.


"2) At some point, in every BDSM story, you'll read this sentence "I stepped back to admire my handiwork.""

Damn it all, I've gotta confess this is a stock line of mine when I cyber. That's one strike for the rallan.

"3) Political correctness gone bezerk when P/people decide that it's appropriate to make sure T/they don't offend O/others by using ambiguous C/capital and S/small letters. Give it a rest, we get the point."

And now I know that I've found a good site. I've only been perusing the online BDSM community for a little while (and I've only been perusing real-life BDSM fun for even less time), but I'm already getting seriously ticked off by that whole always capitalising Dom pronouns and lower-casing sub ones. Screw it, I might use the lower-case i now and then (not reliably though), but damned if I'll use words like A/all just because there's doms and subs in the same chatroom. I came to have a bit of a chat, not be part of some hideously elaborate game of grammar bondage.

"4) People who reffer to themselves as the third person. (especially submissives) "Sir, this little one would humbly request to go to bed." "This ones stomach is grumbling because she's hungry." ARRRG! I know this is heavy in the Gor lifestyle, but it drives me batty."

To each their own I guess. Although there's a time and a place for staying in the role, and it shits me no end when people talk that way while they're discussing totally unrelated stuff ("Sirs, this one hopes England will win the Rugby World Cup").

"5) The need for people to try and impress by using old victorian English while in chat or posts. "How is thou this eve?" Please folks, Hamlet has left the building."

I have absolutely nothing to add. Not even a sarcastic reply starting with verily or forsooth.

6) Mistresses seeking financial slaves. Enough said.

Yeah I'm kinda iffy about that myself. Being a professional is one thing, but dressing prostitution up as an extra layer of kinky dominance and submission in a relationship just strikes me as a fairly callous way of exploiting desperate guys.

"7) Chat rooms that are dominated by a couple cyber playing in the main chat window. Private message windows are a wonderful thing and free of charge."

Alas and alack I can no longer get IRC to work, so that's one thing I don't have to deal with.

"8) Unrealistic scenarios of D/s portrayed as everyday activities. "My Dom makes me kneel in the corner on thumbtacks for 10 hours for punishment"

Hey that happened to me once. I had to service three hundred randy Doms in an afternoon but only managed two hundred and seventy, so they all extinguished their cigarettes (did I say cigarettes? make that cigars, and two each) on my back at the same time before the thumbtack thing

9) Fakes, Professionals and attention getters who aren't into BDSM because they've known for a very long time that they were different, but are here for profit, thrill or boredom alone.

Well professionals (as long as they're honest and not into that cash-slave business) are no big deal. I don't seem to bump into many in chats and forums. And the fakes and attention getters cluttering up chatrooms today could well be the Doms and subs who'll finally get up the nerve to try something in real life tomorrow.

"10) BDSM preachers who claim that their views are the way it should be, and you should share in that opinion."

Ditto. Especially the ones who look down on everyone who doesn't take BDSM as some deadly serious lifestyle decision. You know the ones, they look down their noses on vanilla couples who occasionally experiment with handcuffs or a spanking, and spew out big diatribes about how switches are "only playing at bdsm", and how nobody Tops better, bottoms better, or wears tighter pants than they do.

"11) The stigma that all submissive men are sissies, whimps and doormats. Some of us kneel proudly and strongly, but only for the right person."

Let's be honest, I'm a wimp. A thin, please-don't-hurt-me, utter wimp without an agressive bone in his body

But I'll agree that I don't like that stereotype. Everyone I've met who's into BDSM is perfectly ordinary the rest of the time. Some Doms and Dommes are agressive all the time, others are mild as milk. Some submissives are a pushover all the time, and some are cranky buggers who'll dig their heels in and argue about everything. But (and I know I'm preaching to the converted here), by and large we're all just ordinary folks who happen to get turned on by some unusual stuff, and like any other ordinary folks out there, what we like in the bedroom isn't going to be something that governs every single thing we do. Well, exept for the lucky few in 24/7 relationships



Rallan

[pussy_cat]

I2) At some point, in every BDSM story, you'll read this sentence "I stepped back to admire my handiwork."

Thank you! That line IS very overused.

I'm not trying to be close-minded, but I hate it when people use the word "rape" excessively in the wrong context. Rape is forced sex. I was raped at age 11, and it wasn't fun or erotic in any way. I wish people would come up with a different term for rough, or hard sex instead of using rape. The erotic rape and the crime rape are two totally different things.

And I agree with the sissy men stereotype. That goes for women too. Not all sumbissive women are soft or "girlie". My Master takes me shooting and hunting all the time.

[allalone46]

There is just on little problem with trying to come up with a different word for it. there isn't a different word for it.

I'm not trying to be close-minded, but I hate it when people use the word "rape" excessively in the wrong context. Rape is forced sex. I was raped at age 11, and it wasn't fun or erotic in any way. I wish people would come up with a different term for rough, or hard sex instead of using rape. The erotic rape and the crime rape are two totally different things.

I do understand, and I am sorry about what happend to you when you were young. It shoodn't have, and do hope the animal was put were he belongs. Actuly calling him a animal is an insalt to animals but again no other word applies. See the problem. One thing though "RAPE" is not forst sex. It is a savige assalt that uses sex as part of it. It is not "SEX" at all but something that demeans sex and dirtys sex. It is not sex forced or sex in amy way shape or form but something that is a pravershon of something else. And we are called perverts. But that is an other thred. I wish there was some other turm for it but for know there isn't one.

[pussy_cat]

Thank you for understanding that. Many people don't.

[ValKyrie]

I don't like when someone assumes you will call them Sir and cyber away their wishes simply because they have chosen an id that begins with "Master"
On the same token, subbies that believe that a Domme wants your first contact with her to be a promise of servitude and submission, really don't get it.

It irks me when people respond to your personal ad and clearly haven't read it. By example, i used to have a personal ad seeking female subs and recieved far more responses from male subs than female.

[Barton]

I don't like when someone assumes you will call them Sir and cyber away their wishes simply because they have chosen an id that begins with "Master"

Here here!, some of the names I see are rather interesting and the people behind them even more so.

Barton

[punksub]

11) The stigma that all submissive men are sissies, whimps and doormats. Some of us kneel proudly and strongly, but only for the right person.

yeah...that stereotype is rather annoying.

[th3_kinkst3r]

Umm.. it's all a matter of preference, isn't it? At the risk of being set upon by an exceedingly peeved mob, I must admit that I absolutely adore the usage of third person. Not as a 'in every sentence' thing (I'm not using it here, am I?), but it can be a huge turn-on for me to have to call myself "this horny slut" or "your slave" or the like in appropriate situations. Definitely adds to the humiliation and 'atmosphere'. Of course, that's just me