A question about humiliation

[shins]

I was having a conversation with my pet last night, and she asked "Why do I get so wet from being humiliated by you?" After spinning my wheels in thought for a moment, I realized "I dunno." She recognizes that during everyday life, random situations of humiliation affect her the same way that it affects all of us, and she would elect to have a root-canal instead of suffering humiliation.

So i guess my question is kinda 2-part.

1. Do others get turned on from being humiliated by their partner?
2. Does anyone have an opinion as to why its an erotic experience for some?

[Timberwolf]

A very good pair of questions.

1. Do others get turned on from being humiliated by their partner?
In doses, without question. I don't want to be talked down to constantly, but in the right times and moments... hell yes.

2. Does anyone have an opinion as to why its an erotic experience for some?
I think this is similar to why some people enjoy scary movies... you can get a rush without experiencing the consequences of an action. Humiliation play is just that, *play*. It, as a submissive, to me seems like just another thing you've handed over. Your body, probably your right to orgasm... and once in a while, your right to dignity as well. I posted a fantasy in the Sexual Fantasy section here about having a FemDom woman tease me over my cock size (despite not really having anything to hide there). Humiliation leaves one feeling very exposed, and raw... and as long as it's being done by the right person at the right time, it can be an amazing feeling.

I suppose it's the mental version of sadism/masochism. Just because you like a paddling at home doesn't mean you'd want to get smacked by some random person walking down the street. Humiliation play is the same concept, simply from the mental end only. Or even somewwhat physical, if you're into, say "feminization" of men, or something like that. Name calling can be very powerful, as long as everyone remembers this is a game. I might enjoy crawling around on all fours naked, begging for the privilage of giving out oral favours while being denied my own pleasre. Now that's a degrading thing. But in the home it's fun, it's not like you'd ever do it anywhere else.

I will say in my experience, it's important that everyone does keep in mind the "play" part of humiliation play, which is why I think it should not be a full time thing. Too much, or too believable too often, and the mental effect would be far less fun indeed.

[Warbaby1943]

I was having a conversation with my pet last night, and she asked "Why do I get so wet from being humiliated by you?" After spinning my wheels in thought for a moment, I realized "I dunno." She recognizes that during everyday life, random situations of humiliation affect her the same way that it affects all of us, and she would elect to have a root-canal instead of suffering humiliation.

So i guess my question is kinda 2-part.

1. Do others get turned on from being humiliated by their partner?
2. Does anyone have an opinion as to why its an erotic experience for some?

1. I would think they do from all I have read here and in other places.

2. My opinion is it has a hell of a lot to do with ones mind and how they perceive this humiliation. It has to be a matter of great trust to give control of your body to someone in the first place. Once you’ve made up your mind and accepted that you’re going to do exactly that then you sort of dream or imagine what they will do with it. Those are erotic thoughts all by themselves.

At the time you can’t imagine anything but erotic thoughts about the consequences of relinquishing that control. As stated in an earlier post, maybe even or especially over your own orgasm. You know your trusted partner respects you so you will comply with their wishes even if it is somewhat contrary to what you would normally accept as proper behavior just because they are asking/forcing you to do it. All this behind closed doors or in public, if that’s your thing, I would tend to think would make anyone excited and wet.

Once I can accept that I no longer control my own fate, all else becomes erotic and very sensual knowing it will eventually lead to the conclusion of why most do anything in the first place – love and/or sexual satisfaction.

[Silke]

Oh my, strange that I never really thought about this. Awesome question, shins! Yeah, a bit of humiliation gets me wet and from what I've seen here I'm not the only one, lol. But why?

I think I'll second what Timberwolf said when he compared the experience to SM. It's not that I like to be humiliated by just anyone or because it's an enjoyable activity per se. It's more like a leap of faith to please my dom, giving him something special that I wouldn't ordinarily do, letting him degrade me knowing full well that he values and loves me, stripping bare and letting him take over to do with me as he pleases...and when I look back on the experience it makes me realize how much power he has over me - it puts me in sub heaven, lol.

It took me a while to come to terms with this, though. I used to constantly question myself as to why I could possibly enjoy something like that, pretty much the same as to why I enjoy pain in a D/s context. It sends your mind in a spin if you compare it to situations outside of D/s because it doesn't make sense in that context.

[Sir_G]

What silke, Timberwolf and Warbaby said.

[Ozme52]

We use the term humiliation... but if what we are talking about is embarassment and extentions of being embarassed...

Think about the physical reactions we experience when we are embarassed. Face (and body) flushes, blood pressure and heart rate increase, the desire to be elsewhere (to run and hide, the flight part of the fight-or-flight response. )

Now, compare these physical reactions to what happens during sex... and the link between humiliation and arousal becomes clearer. It's just a different kind of foreplay that gets your blood rushing.

[dzire2pleeze]

We use the term humiliation... but if what we are talking about is embarassment and extentions of being embarassed...

Think about the physical reactions we experience when we are embarassed. Face (and body) flushes, blood pressure and heart rate increase, the desire to be elsewhere (to run and hide, the flight part of the fight-or-flight response. )

Now, compare these physical reactions to what happens during sex... and the link between humiliation and arousal becomes clearer. It's just a different kind of foreplay that gets your blood rushing.

~bows to the great Oz~

you are so very wise.

[Asia]

Shins,
I can only give you a personal opinion (sorry, that's obvious!)

1. Do others get turned on from being humiliated by their partner?

During love making, no. During rough sex, yes, yes, yes *sighs*

2. Does anyone have an opinion as to why its an erotic experience for some?

For me, I think it is mainly to do with guilt based on my work and upbringing. I have to be very professional at work, diplomatic, considered and restrained. I have to ensure that I do not offend anyone but the nature of my work involves making judgements of sorts and there is never a win-win situation. I am not immune to feeling guilty about this part of my work. So sexually, I need to be humilated, a sort of penance for having to have made a decision (no matter how objective and unbiassed) that will affect someone along the line. I feel positively hollow if I haven't been slapped, spat at, thrown, 'forced', sworn at, insulted, degraded and threatened, etc.

Also, having been raised as a good Catholic girl, as another good Catholic girl said: I've been raising up my hands, drive another nail in, I have enough guilt to start my own religion.
*gets on her knees to pray then remembers she's now agnostic*
Asia
xxx

[Qmoq]

I feel positively hollow if I haven't been slapped, spat at, thrown, 'forced', sworn at, insulted, degraded and threatened, etc.

Oh my lord! What the hell could be included in "etc"?

Consensual humiliation is cool, but I'd feel dreadful if I called a woman - sub or not - so much as a "slut" and have them be genuinely offended. Even if they were.

Q xx

[Asia]

Oh my lord! What the hell could be included in "etc"?

Consensual humiliation is cool, but I'd feel dreadful if I called a woman - sub or not - so much as a "slut" and have them be genuinely offended. Even if they were.

Q xx

That's because you truly are a gentleman, first and foremost.
God love you for that Q.
~kiss~
Asia
xxx

[shins]

Wow, you all are so insightful. Thanks for taking the time. I knew this was the place to come with such a question. Now i can go back to my subbie and pretend to be all knowing and insightful. I'll be able to pull it off for the rest of the week since she doesnt have internet access till sunday, lol.

I must say, from the dom perspective, humilating another is a rush also. Like Aisa stated, I spend 99% of my life trying to being repectful and non-hurtful to others (even when they are being asses dont deserve it), and to know that i have an occasional outlet through my partner, and that she receives it, wants its, and gets off on it without actually hurting her feelings gives me a chance to 'unbottle' those pent up emotions that build during 'normal life'.