Bratty's thoughts

[SheepishJaina]

I don't write much, it's usually when I have something major on my mind and don't really care to share the full extent of it with anyone. I wish I had some "happy" poetry, but alas, I don't.

Shattered

You didn't know that I saw you.
Unaware and immune you passed.
To the sound of my heart breaking in two


Broken

Grains of sand washed out to sea
Drifting between the rolling waves
Broken pieces of what used to be

Twilight sets across a distant sky
Ushering in the darkest end
Unseen by those with blinded eye

A pale moon casts light to see
Tracing footsteps along the sand
Trying to find those broken pieces of me


Tears

I miss the rain that hid my tears,
The childhood that had no fears,
Oh how I miss those happy years.

An innocent child cannot see,
The trials and pain yet to be,
That will cause her misery.

She is but a pawn in life's cruel game,
Her dreams vanished in the flame,
Lost in the journey from whence she came.

Now as the years go by,
It makes her want to cry,
MY childhood was a lie.

[cariad]

Oh gosh BrattyOne. I have eyes filling up with tears and a heart which is tearing for you. Althoiugh I have no idea what is behind the anguish in those lines, the pain cuts through like the sharpest of knives.

I send you an engulfing hug and a moment's shelter in my arms. If you would ever like to talk, you know where to find me.

Love
cariad

[Tojo]

Damn, that's lovely- I'm not big on poetry as a rule, but I'll read your sad stuff any day.

Take care.

Tojo

[Talia]

WOW Bratty.....thanks for sharing your pain. Tears are flooding my eyes too....please keep sharing.

[Timberwolf]

"You didn't know that I saw you.
Unaware and immune you passed.
To the sound of my heart breaking in two"

Damn... if that doesn't sum it up, nothing ever will.

It's very good work and has quite the impact.

[Silke]

Bratty, thank you for sharing your thoughts...man, especially 'Tears' really moved me. I hope you post more...

[MasterRob{cali}]

Hugs you tightly, My eyes are watering as i wirte this sp excuse me if my wors are not spelled right or in order. As you have done in th echat room, plases if you need a shoulder or som eone to chat to i would be happy to listen.
It was a greta poem,

Master Rob

[dzire2pleeze]

Bratty, you have painted a picture with your words. {{{{hugs}}}}

[SheepishJaina]

*blushes* thank ye all. I find that when I do break down and try to write poetry, if I'm happy, it comes out feeling forced and fake. For the most part, I like to do a lot of free writing, in a journal or on scrap paper. The three poems above, I remember exactly where I was, and what the circumstances were for writing them. I'll post a few more at some point when I've found the notebook they're all stashed in.

[mina]

Oh wow those were good!! I especially loved "Tears". I can't wait to read more of yours.

[SheepishJaina]

I really have no idea what to classify this as. It's something I wrote many years ago, when I was about 16. It started out from a free writing exercise and I ended up saving it. I've not changed anything from it since then.

Who am i?

Am I never to have love? Am I that inept? Why do I get hurt so many times, just to be hurt again and again? I give and I give, and only get hurt. Am I ever to be blessed with one so true, so true to me? Does the good lord know who you are? Should I care? Do I care too much? Am I obsessed, or not trying hard enough? Do you care how I bleed, my soul open and showing. Or will you cut me again, and turn from my pleas. You say that you care, but when I am in need you are not there. Your words are hollow and false, your touch but a dream. Should I be who I am not, so that I please you for but a moment? Shall I forge ahead, blinded to the truth. Do I know the truth, or do I believe what you want, what I want to believe? Do I need your love to survive, or am I stronger than that? Can I be so utterly human that I hurt others by my need, or shall I be blessed to not hurt a soul? Will you forgive me my sins as I have for given you of everything? My love is great, if given the chance. Please will you let me redeam myself, by giving me a chance, as I have given? My body is made of feble flesh and blood, my soul is weak to the devil?s temptations. My love, my dear sweet love, why can you not forgive me? Do you love me enough to see through my mistakes and sins, so that you can see who I am? Does my suffering even have an effect on your heart? Do you laugh at my confusion? Drink in my need, and then use me till I have no air left of my own to breath? Do you laugh when I cry? Do you care at all? Is my unique value enough to make you realize how special I am, or do you label me a freak and turn a blind eye when I am myself? Will you use me and hurt me, or let me bloom like a spring flower under your love. Will you shower me with you love? Do I deserve you? Do I deserve love? I give my love unconditionally, and you stomp on it like a bug. What do I do wrong? AM I too bold to say how I feel, or not clear enough? What is wrong with how I care? What is wrong with me that you cannot see my true value? I have so much to give, and I give with all my earthly being, and I am stopped by your stares, and hate. I ask of so little from you, but even that is too much for you to relinquish. Slowly I die, every time I am ignored, the light fading from my life like the closing of a door. Soon I will be no different than the corpses in their graves. Will they realize who I am? Will they greet me differently than you, or will they recognize me as one of their own? Will I be so gone and forgotten just as they are, or will I have made an impact on you? My life lies in your hands, and you have the power. Will you squeeze the life out of me like a water soaked rag, or will you take me to heart, and comfort me in my times of need? I have tried my best, and tried to do all that I can in my flawed self do. I am not perfect, I will never be, but you, if you are willing have the power to see past that. I cannot do anymore, and yet I am not willing to give up. Should I remain quiet and sullen, or tell you how I feel, and what I need? You are the only one to save me, and you alone have the key to my soul.

[SheepishJaina]

each bit is based on something i have experienced along the road.


Bound Soul

She cannot understand your hateful fight
An innocent trapped between the anger
Injured and hurt, she searches for light

She does not know the meaning of real love
For you have not ever shown her what it is
She begins to yearn for her place up above

She is promised a solution to unending pain
That too is yet another lie that will scar
As she is dumped away in the pouring rain

Alone she shivers waiting for the blessed end
Only for you to throw her to the wolves
Facing her greatest fears with no way to mend

Peace and security never finding this child
Your demands and failures pressing upon her
It’s too late to change, she's already defiled

She quietly waits for Your loving embrace
Your hand to quiet her soul and ease the pain
The scars leaving her being without a trace

Can You free my from the past that chains me?
Remove the fear of trust, the emotional scars
Replace my bounds with Your own, to set me free.

[Uncle_Ed]

bratty,

If you ever need an ear. If you ever need a friend. Ask me.

Ed

[SheepishJaina]

Single Tear

A single tear of loss rolls down her face
To unwise viewer, something commonplace
Her heart knows different, cannot release
Endless pain and sorrow will not cease

Again the world will overlook her single tear
They cannot know her inner pain and fear
Still desiring his heart and soul without remorse
Save the single tear as it plots its course

She’ll continue on idly watching time pass
Picking up the pieces of her heart of glass
Slowly moving on when he has faded
Her love and desire for him forever jaded

Never forgetting all her unnecessary fear
Nor the throbbing anguish of her single tear
She’ll learn to love another man and grow
Not wanting My single tear to again show

[lily27]

sheepish, I know that you have been going through some rough times lately. Although I know that almost nothing will make you feel better, other than time, but I am glad you can use your writing as an outlet.

We both agree that all things happen for a reason, and we have to follow the path set out for us. You are a stronger person than you know. We are never presented with challenges without first being given the tools to handle them.

Know that you are very much loved around these parts, and all of us are here for you....in any way you need.

[SheepishJaina]

*smiles at lily*

I'm slowly learning that I dont have to keep things bottled up inside. It's why I keep my journal open to all. I may not be able to come right out and say exactly what I'm thinking to friends yet, but it's certainly better than keeping it ALL inside. As for my path, well.. we both know that I at least have the best guide possible to show me the way.

[SheepishJaina]

Three

Quiet and shy, alone in her mind
Bottled up emotion sits on a shelf
Waiting to for someone to find
Three to free her soul from itself

Doubtful thoughts fill her heart
The fear and worry she cannot shout
Not wanting or able to ever part
Three to free her soul from doubt

Silently she waits to be, has to be freed
Playing at life, though but a child's game
For they can release her from this need
Three to free her soul from bitter shame

Three with whom she can safely confide
Three with whom she confesses her heart
Three with whom she cannot bear to hide
Three with whom she twill always impart

Three sent down to me from above,
Caring for and listening to this sheep,
A friend, a Master and a husband to love
Three to free my soul, three to keep

[Warbaby1943]

After all these beautiful thoughts and words I hope you are feeling better. You are very good at expressing what you your heart feels and it is refreshing to read your thoughts.

[SheepishJaina]

*smiles and blushes* I am Wb.. thanks

[Timberwolf]

Sheepish, it's been a while since I've bene by here but it was worth coming back to. Hope you know I'm always here to talk to - as you've been for me.

[mina]

sheepish - lovely poetry, "Three" is my favorite so far. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. If you ever need to talk you know I'm here for you as well *hugs*

[SheepishJaina]

*smiles* Thanks mina.. I know a lot of folks have said that i can talk to them at any point, and its wonderful to be blessed in such a way. BUt the "Three" the poem talks about are people that I feel I can tell anything and everything to.

[SheepishJaina]

No title for this. Heck, I really don't like what I write. I'm sure tis quite unprofessional, but it works for my intended purpose. Just being able to write is "therapy" for me. I've felt so conflicted, and at the same time, so found, loved, and whole.

Another lost soul has been found
In judgement labeled not pure or evil
As the silent tears hit the ground

Sorrow and truth sets the soul free
Embracing every trial, task and lesson
Realization that she is free to just be

[Warbaby1943]

Didn't need a title to say what you wanted. You did an excellent job of getting your point across.

[Timberwolf]

"Another lost soul has been found
In judgement labeled not pure or evil
As the silent tears hit the ground

Sorrow and truth sets the soul free
Embracing every trial, task and lesson
Realization that she is free to just be"

I think you've actually summed up something that I feel is pretty important. There is a lot of judgement within the world, less so within the lifestyle though there is still some judgement there. With my own Goddess, very early on into the D/s relationship we had a conversation that contained the line "The only moral that matters between you and me is honesty". It was our way of summing up that here, in what we are building there will be no judgement between us for being who you are.

I would only hope all of us are lucky enough to find that place.

[RickBulow74]

No title should be needed, as your poem just about said it all.