is it hard for the dom.

[monodragon]

i only ask this because i love my girl freind who will be my future to be wife/dom/slave but she has problems getting into it.i am worried i might be asking to much from her sometimes.i wondering what to do to.i thinks she need a help with her confidence.any ideas.

[Jennifer Williams]

is it hard for the dom

To do what?

i only ask this because i love my girl freind who will be my future to be wife/dom/slave

Pardon, but your question is a little confusing...she will be both your dom and your slave? Is she a switch? I only ask because in order to give you a proper answer, I want to make sure I understand your question.

but she has problems getting into it.

Such as? Problems getting into what?

i am worried i might be asking to much from her sometimes.i wondering what to do to.i thinks she need a help with her confidence.any ideas.

Do you have any examples of why you think you might be asking too much, or why you feel she needs a confidence boost? The more details you give, the better people will be able to give advice. : )

[monodragon]

we are a very much a Vanilla couple but we has started exploring what we want sexualy..she has expressed her wants to be the top..so the other night she tried...and she broke down crying because she thought she was doing it wrong...she has a major lack of confidence..i have been working with her to build her up..i need ideas to help build her confidence that she is strong and powerful and amazingly sexual..just need some guidance so i make things work instead of exploding in my face

[Jennifer Williams]

we are a very much a Vanilla couple but we has started exploring what we want sexualy..she has expressed her wants to be the top..so the other night she tried...

Okay, so she has expressed her wants, so the next question is, what do you want? Do you want to be on the bottom, do you just not mind, or does it bother you? If you want to be on the bottom, then the best way to encourage her "topping" is to just keep on telling her how you love it, and that will give her a little more confidence each time. If you don't mind it, but it does nothing for you, then it's almost the same reaction- just keep telling her how you love her and want to help her feel happy and fulfilled. If it bothers you, then that's another story. She might be sensing that and that could be a reason she's getting upset.

[_ID_]

You can't make a person they are not. If she wants to be top, and that role is for her, she will find it. Being uplifting and supportive like you have been is exactly what you can do for her.

Beyond that, her and your education on safe ways to do what it is you want to do. That too will help her self confidence.

[danman7]

+1 to what IDCrewDawg said. Despite what you read in a lot of erotica, I don't think you can "make" someone into a top or bottom, if those personality trations are not already there.

If she is a Top, then she will work it out. Depending on her upbringing, she may have some mental barriers to the idea of a dominant woman, or D/s in general. These are things you'll need to work through together.

It's a journey, and it's not for everyone. But for those that choose it(or it chooses you), it can be very rewarding.

[monodragon]

well,after a night of talking we finnaly working things out :-) . the issue was,she was doing it for me,not becuase she wanted to do it for herself. i finnaly understand. i am proud of her to step up and try. so for now we will keep trying and mby some day she will find the evil woman inside her and we will start to be more open to each other. and thanks to all..i look forward to my next time i get to tie her up