definition of submission??

[write4jetc]

we were wondering what everyone's definition of submissive is. Someone said the other day that dom/sub is not about sex. Sorry, for us it is!

Sylvie says for us, the definition of submissive is that if we disagree about anything, I win. (that's her short definition).

However, we want to know what you understand the term to mean, as it applies to you.

As a dom, what to you expect from your sub?

As a sub, what do you accept from your dom?

We bet there will be lots of variation in the definitions!!

Sylvie was going to ask this herself, but she can't get on-line tonight, her laptop ISP seems to be having a problem. That's why it's so quiet ....

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by write4jetc
we were wondering what everyone's definition of submissive is. Someone said the other day that dom/sub is not about sex. Sorry, for us it is!

For us, it can be. Ouor scenes are not always scenes and they don't always involve sex. Sometimes, they just involve her fetching me a cup of coffee. I live with a coffee-muggle, so she never wants any. They might also involve her being tied down and blindfolded with massage oil all over her body and then having copious amounts of hot wax poured over her back and thighs. Usually, these sorts of things don't involve sex, just good, old-fashioned serving and torture.

Sylvie says for us, the definition of submissive is that if we disagree about anything, I win. (that's her short definition).

However, we want to know what you understand the term to mean, as it applies to you.

As a dom, what to you expect from your sub?

I expect her trust and her compliance. I expect her to do what I ask without complaint, but if she has a problem with what I am asking of her, then I expect her to notify me immediately so we may discuss it. Other than that, I don't guess I have a whole lot of expectations.

As a sub, what do you accept from your dom?

We bet there will be lots of variation in the definitions!!

Sylvie was going to ask this herself, but she can't get on-line tonight, her laptop ISP seems to be having a problem. That's why it's so quiet ....

There probably will be lots of variations. Some people are a lot stricter and rule-intensive than we are. I guess we could be, but its just not what we want from our lives right now. We have enough on our plate without having to worry about every little detail of our BDSM life, too.

[write4jetc]

That's what I like, people relaxing and enjoying this! Some people seem to have a lot of rules to their dom/sub lives.

Having said this, what isn't your sub doing? She's said she's having a hard time getting back into it - does that mean she won't get you coffee when you ask <grin>?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by write4jetc
That's what I like, people relaxing and enjoying this! Some people seem to have a lot of rules to their dom/sub lives.

Having said this, what isn't your sub doing? She's said she's having a hard time getting back into it - does that mean she won't get you coffee when you ask <grin>?

Well, no. We would like to be a bit more serious, like you and Sylvie seem to be. Just between her working nights, me not being able to work, her being pregnant and all the worry involved in all that, plus immigration, we just haven't been able to focus on this too much.

[AmandasSpankee]

Yes, I can see where that schedule might make things a little difficult! However, I think you should manage to find one or two little things for her to do for you everyday,just so you can both get used to it.

It doesn't even have to be big things, any way of bringing out her sub side would be a step in the right direction, I think. Besides, it can be so much fun practicing dom/sub, can't it?

I forgot, the whole purpose of the 1st question, what do you expect of your sub or dom? This fits in with the 'practice' concept too.

Mistress and I are always aware of each other. Even if we are not in physical contact, we always know where the other is, and what they are doing. She is the one I want to be with, and I know she wants me with her. If we are in public, and just being friends, we still find reasons to touch in some way, every now and then. I'm very tactile, people are used to me touching everyone, so it's easy for me.
Amanda is different, so she works to find different ways to stay in touch, so to speak. Sometimes it's as simple as her handng me a drink, or our feet touching under a table, or crowding together into a small space, like a crowded elevator. Sometimes it's not so simple, like her sliding her hand into my pocket from behind me - that girl's a devil in disquise! She looks like a damn angel, but she's not!

[write4jetc]

And just what would you like me to change? Would you like me to keep my hands off you - I could do that, you know. Probably easier than you would think, too.
Next time, instead of our feet meeting under the table, maybe you could be under there, massaging my feet. Okay?

[Finding_Fantasy]

It is a good question indeed.

Let's see. What do I want from my dominant? Hard question to answer really. I basically want someone that can treat me as a submissive, but not as a doormat or a piece of meat. I want him to be able to push my limits, but be ready to stop if I am having too much trouble. (which he does) Also, someone who can "beat me" but not BEAT me... someone that recognizes discipline from abuse (which he does)

Also, I want someone who will be patient with me but still remind me of what I am supposed to be working towards. For example, I am not what you would call a "sexual person". I never initiate sexual contact. I just don't think about it. Perhaps it is because I have been rejected by men so much that I fear even rejection from him, even though I know it is silly. But I am getting better at it. I have initiated it a few times in the past while.

It's kind of odd, though. I feel more submissive in having to start sexual contact than if I am just taken spontaneously. Don't ask me why, I know nothing of psychology. It is just a strange fact.

Heck, I never would have talked about this sort of thing in public 6 months ago, so I guess I am making progress.

Having said this, what isn't your sub doing? She's said she's having a hard time getting back into it - does that mean she won't get you coffee when you ask <grin>?

To be honest, yes. I do admit to having a bit of a problem getting back into it. Not for lack of wanting, but as he said, it has a lot to do with time and timing. I do get him his coffee when he asks (most times without grumbling lol) but we are progressing slowly. When I was in Texas and didn't have to work and was home all day with nothing to worry about, it was easy, but now it is hard. I have a job that has a fair amount of responsibility (not that it will get me anywhere) and I am always having to give people hell for things they did wrong, then I come home and it's hard to switch roles.

Perhaps that is why we have considered looking for a female dominant to help getting me back into the swing of things. They usually have a different way of looking at things and approaching them. But we have yet to actually get that far.

(sorry my post is so long. I get overly verbose sometimes.)

[BDSM_Tourguide]

(sorry my post is so long. I get overly verbose sometimes.)

Well, at least she didn't say she gets overly oral sometimes.

[write4jetc]

<<Well, at least she didn't say she gets overly oral sometimes. >>

In your dreams!

[Master Saintans]

Posted with Master's permission

Well after reading this the other day, I sat back and started
thinking about it in depth, and all though it is not a definition of submission it’s the way I feel about submission.

I am not in a submissive role, I am a slave 24/7 and so I
personally do not feel that it is a role because I am not acting out
anything, I am being myself. But I do play a role as a "vanilla"
wife, mother and friend.

I personally hate having to be "vanilla" at times, but it is
necessary and I take on the role. Now don't get me wrong, when Master
and I go to the store or to the bar even to the casino's I call him
Master. What I am referring to is instances like: going with Master
to a client’s house that is not lifestyle friendly, going to a meeting
with O/our children's teachers etc........

As I have stated before I wear my collar every where I go, so when
I do have to step into the "vanilla role" I still am able to touch my
collar and know what I truly am: a slave to my Master - mind, body,
heart and soul. Although I must act the "vanilla" part, I am still a
submissive/slave and still up hold my Master's values, ideas, and
ways to his expectations----- vanilla or not.


Respectfully,

Master Saintan’s angelbaby

[ozgreg]

This was once given to me as an oath.. I am not sure how original it is but I like the way it sums up being submissive.

• I will not try to manipulate my Master.
  I will not push to make a scene go the way i feel it should.
  I will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not accustomed to.
  I am willing to try and expand my limits.
  I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, for i know that "submissive" does not equal "doormat"
  I will be courteous and helpful to all other submissive’s.
  I will not be boastful of experiences i have had as a sub.
  I will share my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope that they will learn from where i have been.
  I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling from my Master. By telling him i assist him in his responsibilities as my authority.
  I know that Master is not telepathic and i will not expect my Master to know the thoughts or feelings which i have not shared.
  I know that my actions reflect upon my Master, and i will do my best to help others to see him in a positive way.
  I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master.
  I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.
  Above all, i will wear my title of submissive with honour.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

So, what's your definition?