So new and so lost

[Pandora's Box]

I'm new here and well, relatively new to everything. I began exploring this side of me about a year and a half ago online and in real life a bit. I've talked to several doms/masters online and a few in real life. I learned a lot about myself and about D/s from them. However... I always kept them at arms length as I was, to put it nicely, a bit dubious about an online attachment.

Well, something unexpected happened a month ago. I was in a yahoo chat room and I met a man (master). We began talking and getting to know each other. For a week we spent until the wee hours of the morning chatting and talking on the phone. He has been nothing but patient and kind to me. He is looking for an online relationship to move into real time. However he has not pressured me or tried to manipulate me in any way.

Anyway, my computer went defunked and for about 2 1/2 weeks I had no private access to a computer. And on top of that, mother nature decided to mess with the building he runs his business out of. He has had to close it for repairs and has been super busy trying to make some repairs and stem the tide of damage.

So even though I have my computer access back, he's been so busy that the time I looked forward to having with him hasn't materialized. We spoke on the phone for about a half hour yesterday and for a couple hours last Thursday. Now here's the part where I feel a bit selfish and whiney, but I can't seem to help it. Today was the one month anniversary of when we met. While I normally don't put any stock in one month marks... he does. And he said we'd be together on that day, but he's not here. And of course it doesn't help he broke a date the other night because he was working late trying to do some damage control.

We've shared many details of our lives, and we are open books to each other. Heh, if I were to compose a list of traits I want and don't want in a man, he seemmingly fulfills most of the list and then throw in a few bonuses. This whole thing has been confusing and yet magical. He makes me feel things I didn't think I could... And sometimes it's annoying as hell because I feel like a lovesick teenager. He's opened up so many avenues and I want to explore them, and indeed am anxious too. Patience has never been my strong point, but I am trying.

The last catch is that he lives across the country. However, neither of us are wedded to our home towns. He has said that if all goes well, then we'll meet in 4-6 months, just depending. Right now the moving thing is in the "we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it" category.

*sigh* I'm sorry if it seems like I am rambling, but this has been building up inside of me and I don't really have anywhere to turn.

So here I am seemingly involved in an internet relationship and I don't know if I'm crazy or not to do so. I know there are many predators out there, and although I have not gotten any of those vibes from him at all... since it's the internet I still have to wonder if perhaps this is all too good to be true?

Thanks for reading this and for any feedback or opinions you share.

[Jones, Nikka]

I am no expert and I really can not put myself completely in your shoes, but I would venture the suggestion of taking little, yet significant steps to get to know each other a bit better.

A first meeting could be arranged without nesessarily implying a major commitment. The long distance complicates things, but in essence, the situation you are in is just like meeting somebody from your own town. Keep the first meetings simple, public and adopt a wait and see atittude.

We all dream of that magical love-at-first-sight fantasy date/meeting but we must also calculate risks and make choices. Approching a new relationship with an open mind does not mean making a blind commitment.

Please take care of yourself.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Speaking from personal experience, internet relationships can be quite a lovely thing. The internet can bridge all sorts of gaps in geography and culture.

My relationship began about five and a half years ago in a chat room. The person I met lived in an entirely different country from me, but we spent months talking and getting to know one another, we finally met, she moved in, the US government said they didn't want her, she moved out, I moved to Canada, we got married, we have a daughter and we've been together ever since.

Online relationships do work. They just require your diligence and patience. Well, pretty much all relationships do.

Don't worry about things too much. Realize that people have lives and, as much as you might be an important part of it, other things also affect their lives. If your partner is very busy, he will only be too happy to get back to you as soon as he can.

And, hey, if you're not meant to be, then the beauty of the internet is that you have 20,000,000 other fish waiting in the virtual sea. LOL

[Pandora's Box]

Thanks Nikka and TG.

(Nikka)
We all dream of that magical love-at-first-sight fantasy date/meeting but we must also calculate risks and make choices. Approching a new relationship with an open mind does not mean making a blind commitment

Yes I know. And that is one thing that is tripping with my mind really badly. I'm not one of these people to get lost in fantasy when it comes to day to day dealings with people. The only imperfections thus far are his damnably busy schedule and his geographic location. Only. Heh.

(TG)
Online relationships do work. They just require your diligence and patience. Well, pretty much all relationships do.

I appreciate you saying this. It makes me feel like less of a weirdo.

(TG)
Don't worry about things too much. Realize that people have lives and, as much as you might be an important part of it, other things also affect their lives. If your partner is very busy, he will only be too happy to get back to you as soon as he can.

Yes that is very true. And I try to keep myself occupied and positive. Sometimes it's just so hard to reconcile the intensity and flow of the connection with the interuptions of life. Let alone that it is over the internet.

I don't know if I am more scared by the intangibility of the internet or the fact that I don't want this to be a fly by night affair, that I am very serious about this.

[ValKyrie]

I haven't had very good luck with on line relationships having laid my trust at the feet of too many fakes in my time.

However, I know people, many people, who were able to with stand the challenges of beginning their relationship on line and transitioning it into real time.

I wish you the best and can only suggest that you follow your heart. The rest will fall into place.



Val

[Pandora's Box]

Thanks Val.

Yeah I've heard all sorts of horror stories of people getting hurt because the picture presented was not remotely accurate. Of course it is my hope that that is not the case here.

Either way, caution is not a bad thing.

[Dslave]

I have met several Doms and my current Master via the comp. (My current Master actually began as a client of mine.) The most important thing is to have a plan. Chat for six months... or a year even... don't be in a rush. If it is going to happen because it is meant to be it WILL happen without you rushing it. If, after you get to know the person (if the guy won't give you his work or home number... I would drop him like poison) you get a good feeling off of him, arrange to meet. But ALWAYS have a plan. As much as I really felt good about my Master, before we met (and before he was my Master) I told my friend what he was going to be driving and when I was going to be home and if I wasn't home and didn't notify her by the set time she would start looking for the body. lol I mean it, I told her to send out a search party if she didn't hear from me. And, I let him know. Also, I met him in a public place. That is almost a MUST. Even better, during the first meeting, have friends around. (I didn't but it IS a good idea for the first meeting to have a friend or two along.) Once you meet the person, be wise. Get to know them and only after you trust him should you start subbing for him. At least, that is my advice. It must be okay advice because I am still alive and have an INCREDIBLE Master that I went from comp to real life 24/7 with.