A personal view of the life

[Sir_Russell]

This was a response to a lady as to why I am a Dom and how does it work. This will not fit everyone here but I thought it might offer an insight to some.

First the Life of BDSM is huge and no one person knows it all. No experts at it and any one that tells you they are is not telling the truth or they are deluded. Those people are best avoided since they lack the moral fiber and or the intelligence to be safe in the life.

I can tell you about my style of the Life only with any expertise. What I can tell you is that I plan each session and that includes what to do if something goes wrong. Without that planning the first variable normally brings about a disaster that can be physically or mentally scarring. Surprisingly enough any lady that has agreed to allow me to restrain her for a session has always called me to ask me to bring my toys over or can we do that again.

I live my life by 3 words simple in nature but after close to 40 years of life I am still finding more ways to use them or let them guide me. Honor, respect and pride. I have them for myself and I insist that the lady of my choice has then for herself. Then it is a matter of gaining them for each other. Once that has happened then the life becomes a joy with only the occasional external problem to deal with.

Have you imagined yourself bound, unable to stop or resist a man from doing to you anything he wants? Feel their hands exploring your body, teasing and exciting you to the point that nothing else matters. If so then you do have some submissive traits.

What set most of us apart from the vanilla world is that we know that once the endorphins are flowing the body pain/pleasure sensors can sense what should be pain as pleasure. If this is used to the extreme the submissive will be hurt and paying for it later. The trick is to find a Dominant that is very aware and is not willing to go anywhere near that far.

I love bondage and nothing makes me more alive then having a submissive restrained in an unusual position at least slightly uncomfortable and then seeing if I can make her cum more then she ever has. I am a very safe sane sensual consensual Dominant. I help a submissive to set her limits and then find ways to open her life and help her growth as both a submissive and as a person. Her growth and well being becomes the most important thing in my life and if we part I will all ways be there to help her if she needs it.

Many use the Life to improve their bedroom experience, nothing wrong with that, but I live this Life as fully as posible. Also a sub/slave is not a doormat, brain dead person, she is honored and cherished by her Dom. Any Dom that fails to listen to a submissive, heeding her advice and opinion is not much. I learn from any one I am involved with, adding to my knowledge base and making better decisions. All that means is that a slave of mine is listened too and in her fields of expertise her decisions are mine and her advice in all things are factored into my decisions. Also we negotiate the scope of each others roles are to be and then live up to them. Also, normally families are protected from knowing about the life choice we have made, or that a sub/slave business or career is strictly her own, nothing of mine is inputted into it unless she request it.

[~faerie~]

IMHO as a relatively new sub... i think that was an excellent explanation.

[cadence]

Thank you Sir_Russell

[segelgirl]

TY Sir Russell. As someone who is exploring her submissive tendacies a little bit later in life, I find your posts very helpful.

[jeanne]

TY Sir Russell. As someone who is exploring her submissive tendacies a little bit later in life, I find your posts very helpful.

Ditto.

Thank you so much, Sir_Russell. You always explain your thoughts, philosophies, feelings very well and concisely. In a way that can be understood by all. And you just confirmed what I already knew - if I were looking, I'd be looking right at you.

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

Thanks for sharing your insight on things Sir Russell.

Much wisdom to be found in your words without a doubt.

If those same convictions carried over to all in the
lifestyle it would be far less confusing and disheartening
to many.

Too often you encounter those who feel they have a lock
upon what in their view is "the one true religion" when
it comes to what the lifestyle is about.

Subs must only do this, Masters do only that, a switches
place should be here.

No room allowed for each to their own and what works
for them but instead a handing down of judgement and scorn
upon the community who doesn't subscribe to their
individual philosophy.

All people are individuals and this is a diverse lifestyle
without a doubt.
You can't simply pigeonhole terms or conditions that
exist in one relationship into the template for creating
all others.

When I see that expressed, this passion carved set of
standards for all; expoused like some new age tome of
ten commandments I simply laugh.

I see the insecurity within of those who view themselves
as "a legend in their own mind".

[Wedjat]

Thank you Sir, I appreciate the thoughts a great deal. I just hope we get a chance to talk again soon : )

[annie]

I didn't comment on this post yesterday because I wanted to have time to read it slower and think about it again...

Thank you Sir Russell.... Thank you very much!

[waterlily]

Just want to add my "thank you" to the chorus - I'm also starting out and am very interested in the psychology of it all. And, as a sub, it's fascinating to hear what Dom's are thinking.

Thank you!

[Logic1]

well put Sir Russel
I got nothing else to add to it so Ill leave it at that

[Arria]

Very well put, Sir Russell, thank you.

Besides, I liked your former avi pic better :-( But that´s just me.

[Sir_Russell]

It is only for halloween and then the really scary photo of me comes back.

[jaded_sub]

Sir Russell,

As an unclaimed sub, I can say with all honestly that I hope someday to find someone as honest and committed as yourself. Thank you for sharing such a personal glimpse into the eyes of a real Dom.

[gloombunny]

Well said, Russell.

[tessa]

Have you imagined yourself bound, unable to stop or resist a man from doing to you anything he wants? Feel their hands exploring your body, teasing and exciting you to the point that nothing else matters. If so then you do have some submissive traits.

~completely lost in my own mind for a few moments before recovering~ Oh yay! I have some! I have some!!!

I love bondage and nothing makes me more alive then having a submissive restrained in an unusual position at least slightly uncomfortable and then seeing if I can make her cum more then she ever has. I am a very safe sane sensual consensual Dominant. I help a submissive to set her limits and then find ways to open her life and help her growth as both a submissive and as a person. Her growth and well being becomes the most important thing in my life and if we part I will all ways be there to help her if she needs it.

I really appreciate you sharing your Dominant viewpoint in such a clear-minded way. This is a tremendous help to those of us on the other side of the rope.

Most sincerely-
tessa

[Softly]

Thank you Sir Russell. Your words give me much to ponder and mull over. I already suspected I was submissive, but your comment about the traits solidified my suspicions. My journey just keeps expanding in to more realms.