Can anyone offer me some advice please?

Four years ago began my first relationship with a man whom I met online. We had actually been conversing on and off for over a year before we realised we had a common ground.

I had not known or even heard of BDSM until that point, (when I was 29), and I was shocked and somewhat horrified the way he could just ‘tell’ what I liked.

From this point on we continued to talk, although 4000 miles apart, and I just knew I had come home . To know that I was not some strange woman with weird, somewhat bordering illegal kinky ideas was relieving.

After a year of 8 hour long phone calls each day I decided to meet the man of my dreams, the man who truly opened me up.

The initial meet was nothing out of the ordinary, he was everything he said he was, (large, hard working and Dominant).

However after a few months of being in each others company 24/7 things were obviously not what I thought them to be. I was happy in a big way because he allowed me to be myself. I am what some may term as a “true submissive”. I don’t just scene, nor do I go to any clubs to ‘act’ out some fantasy….. my submissive nature wants to submit 100% to just one man.

However there is a side of me which needs the sexual release as well. He knew all this before we even met, he knew my tastes, likes and dislikes. Now in person he was refusing any attempts to have a sexual relationship.

I am certainly no doormat, I have a mind and a soul just like everyone else and when im not happy I’d show it, albeit respectfully!.

Eventually the relationship ended and I felt as though I had to chop off my own right arm when I left him, but I had spent a long time in my life trying to hide what I really was inside and now that the box was opened (so to speak) I didn’t want the lid closed again, so I decided to spend some time alone and think about what was really important to me in a relationship.

Its hard enough to ‘gel’ in any vanilla relationship but the added factor of wanting/needing a 24/7 lifestyle makes it much harder.

I decided to use a website to just see what others were about, I read endless tales etc.

I then met a local man who was again my dream.

Then history repeats itself, which is why I ask for advice.

Why don’t they want the sexual part?... they are happy with a blow job each morning and night but that’s about as far as they want. I long to be taken, which I have a few times but then they seem to back off as if too scared to go any further. I do know that older men don’t have the libido they had when they were young but crumbs…. Why, if they know they don’t REALLY have the desire, do they not say so in the beginning???... or is it my fault?