fare thee well

I've been bit lax in keeping up with these so here's another from the archives. It's a bit longer and a bit darker than my usual work but I'm quite pleased with this one. Comments welcome
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Lived my life well
or as best as I can
Tried to do it as I thought was right as best I could guess
Seeking hard and fast
not knowing what was there to find
looking for light at the end
just plowed deeper into the dark
old before my time
from looking for an answer to a question ill defined
Tried to understand as life rolled merrily on
Headed for the higher ground
slipped and I'm on the way down

What do you see when you're looking at me
just what you wanna see
affable amiable alcoholic
smoker, drinker, full-time joker
the things I allowed you to see
never looked in behind
never saw the man I tried to be
or even the shadow I've become
behind pities veil
strange, solitary, spectre of madness
So I spit sad savage invective in the night
Nobody here
never been
unlikely to be
Howl of sound and fury
hides tones of pain and rage

This is what's left tragic but true
The fire has gone out
no use blowing on the embers
The roar is heard no more
not an echo on the breeze
Someone else can bang the drum
I tried to lead but no-one would follow
Now I'm chasing the feudal horn
Tried to swamp the world in love
Gave but never got
Bit off more than I could chew
now it's choking me
Too many pieces broken
can't mend dust with glue

So I take the little I have left
Head into the cold grey light at dawn
No goodbyes
No regrets

And I'm gone