slave dilemma

hi.

first let me say, love this site. It helps when working new ideas for my slaves (2 full time, 1 part time as well as 1 male slave).

My dilemma is, my part time slave has the chance to move away next month for 4 months, if I permit her to take a job overseas.
My problem is, since she is a part-time willing slave with no contract to me, she could just say "fuck you I'm leaving" if I demand she stay, so I dont want to really stand in the way of this. However, my concern is 4 months away from me may make her consider not returning to me when she comes home. Shes young & energetic & still deciding where & what she wants to do with her life. Should I just let her go & hope she returns or assume she wont return & get what I can out of her before she leaves. She has been a good slave & has not disobeyed me since I broke her in, I am just wondering if my bond with her is strong enough for her to return after 4 mos. Shes my favorite of all of them, so I really dont want to lose her, but may,

Has anyone else here had this dilemma before & how did it turn out.

I can't really help you because I didn't have this problem ever. But the question always is if you want to be selfish or not. Being selfish you wouldn't allow her to go. But as you mentioned you don't have a contract, so she might just say "fuck me, you selfish asshole" and leave anyway. Then you not only will have lost a slave, she probably won't ever return because she thinks less of you.

If you allow her to go, she will most probably praise your generosity, your care for her "normal life" reputation.

I would let her go. Reluctantly, that is! But I would let her go. Being quite confident she will return just because I let her.

Let me give you a sub's point of view:

If she is only a part time slave but has stayed so far with you, you must be doing something right. Maybe she does not have a contract because she is still eveluating her own perspective on your relationship. Maybe she knew all along that she may be moving away.
If you let her go, you are in fact empowering her and giving her a reason to come back, if and when she may choose to. If you are a good master to her now she will see a reason to be (if she can)a good slave for you in the future

There is an old saying. I don't know it word for word, but I will post the general idea of it.

If you love something, set it free. If does not come back, it was never yours to begin with, if it returns, it is yours forever.

I realize that you do not want to lose her but people need to grow as human beings, even slaves.

TG and I once had a submissive who was also collared to him. She was married but her husband knew about it. She waslike a sister to me. We talked about everything, loved each other dearly, and would do anything for each other.

However, at one point, she decided that it was time to move on. She loved us but she just needed something more or something less. It hurt to have to let her go but we had to. She just didn't feel like she could stay. We still talk to her and I still ove her dearly but our relationship in the D/s life kind of grew apart.

What I am saying is that if you truly care about her, let her go for these few months. If she does not come back, then it was not meant to be. It probably would have ended eventually anyway. At least this way it would be on nice terms. If you force her to stay with you, it could end in bitterness and anger.

hear-yee, hear-yee totaly agree with FF and J,N so - yeah, she has to decide!

Oh yeah FF, i remember that quote, it was something like "someone once said if you want something really badly, set it free....if it comes back to you it will be yours forever, if it doesn't, it was never really yours to begin with".

i don't reckon you have much of a choice tc - if you risk it and she ends up saying "fuck you, i'm going" - it will ruin the special time you have had together, or, equally, if she stays at your request, she won't be able to grow as a person and may end up resenting you....and this is not ideal in any relationship, even Master/slave (especially as she is not under contract).

Also, from what you have said, it sounds to me like the almost certainly will return to you....has anything occured to make you believe otherwise? Has she given any hint regarding this in discussions that have taken place about the issue?

Hope everything works out for you :)

sl

It is so funny...that quote is actually the one i have listed on my Yahoo profile as my fave.

i TOTALLY live by that quote. You have to let her decide.

... that she is her own person. Submissive, slave or not, she can walk out on you anytime she feels like it. It's her right as a human. Same goes for you, too. If she's unpleasant to you, which you've said she's not, then you can leave.

Can't keep them chained up in the basement... Not anymore anyway.

Quote:

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Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
Can't keep them chained up in the basement... Not anymore anyway.

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Damn! And I just finished digging the basement!:D

well, to answer everyones quandry. I have decided to let go with no whining or trying to change her mind. I feel even though she didnt tell me she was going till I found out about it that she may very well return when she comes back and I dont actually have the right to MAKE her stay (oh how I wanted to though). Also, since her sister is one of my contracted slaves, I have a connection to her & hope that will bring her back when she comes home.

I did ask her (as I said she isnt under contract, so even though she obeys all commands, she COULD bail on them I guess) to stay in constant contact while shes over there & told her I'm going to want her to perform some tasks & send them to me, she said OK, so I'm assuming alls well. I just hope her life over there wont get in the way of this, she'll be working 10-14 hour days & may after awhile feel that she doesnt have the time to stay in constant contact.

I'm having my last get together with her this upcoming week (thurs, fri, sat) & am going to have a party for her with my other contracted slaves on the saturday & am letting the contracted slaves be out of charachter for the night & let her have a decent send off. Using the whole "catch more flies with honey than vinegar" philosphy, or however that phrase goes. If I let her go on a good note, then it should bode well for the future I presume? I also thought it would be better for her, to let the slaves be themselves for a night She obviously knows them well from her time (and the fact that one is her sister) here & I think if I am going to win her over, I should give her one good night with them?

Of course I will make the slaves earn their free time the next few days after, especially the sister. Afterall they are going to have to pick up the slack of my favorite slave leaving.

Yeah, I agree that you should give her a proper send off. Then when she comes back, get her to sign the contract. Cause once she's a contracted slave...well, the bitch is under contract.

God, I gotta get me some of whatever you people are smokin'.

Hi tcthetorturer,
For what it's worth, as a Dom mate! I say let her go, in the long run she will be even more greatful/appreciative for your faith in her.

Cheers

BorderCollie ;)

well, i let her go & she is off in Belgium currently.

I did however get her to sign a contract that starts on her expect return date of April 18.

It went well & I have her sending me reports almost daily, so I am keeping in contact with her still.

so far, alls well that ends wll.

Actually the dilemma you posit and request feedback for is not so much a dilemma as it is an opportunity for you to shine some light into the 'dark' spaces of yourself that don't oft see the light of day.
you state that this one is your favorite yet only part time.
she has been 'broken' yet retains autonomy.
the decision and who has the power to decide is not clear and you fear to 'push' the issue for the risk of losing her.
The darkness is your uncertainty. All of those aspects that we all enjoy in being Dominant are, I am quite certain, present in your relationship with this sub, yet you allow part time submission.
If she is your favorite then you must ask within yourself what course to pursue.
allowing her to leave you for a time will absolutely result in you receiving back a markedly different person from the one whom you release. this is human nature and cannot be changed, expereinces change us and expereinces not shared seperate us.
you need to decide within yourself exactly how you feel about this submissive. My 'gut' instinct from reading your post tells me that you may have the 'Love' for this one rather than the 'love' a Master has for His or Her subs. If this is the ONE then you must tell her and let her go to return and then bond yourself to her to the exclusion of all others. Seek within yourself for this calculation. I offer the following paradigm, think of her as dead and buried gone for all time and examine yourself for the reaction to her absence. this will tell you more about how you feel/need her than any dungeon excercise ever could.
Now that assessment is based on my 'gut' telling me the possibility that you love this sub. If that is a wrong assessment and she is just your favorite peice of fluff at the moment then by all means allow her to depart and step back the relationship to an earlier stage.
Online domination is a wonderful venue for experimental domination. Order her to get a webcam and to link with you as you see fit. control her with set orders, regulate the times she may use the toilet for example, control her feedings, her orgasms, her very core.
I am certain you know how to dominate and I won't list it all but the fact that you even post a query engenders the notion that this is indeed the "one" you cannot bear to lose and not the newest fluff for the grist of your mill.
I offer congratulations for I also have found and kept my "one" and have never regretted nor looked back.
Respectfully submitted

I'm gonna have to disagree with Syvlangod. We've got a good idea of how tcthetorturer feels about this situation and what he's hoping for, but we don't really know what the part-time sub wants from her relationship with him. It's foolish to assume that everyone who likes BDSM is heavily enough into it to want to make their life revolve around it, and since we don't know how big a part of the sub's life it is we shouldn't advise tc to try pressuring the sub into making a certain decision. The girl's life is her own, and tc made the right decision by letting the girl get on with her life instead of trying to pressure her into staying.

The advice about online domination is good as far as it goes, but personally I'd just go with using it as a way to keep having a bit of fun, not trying to use it as a tool to help maintain and define the relationship. It's far better for the girl to do her own thing and make her own decision (and judging by the bit about the contract, she'll probably be coming back anyway) than to just assume that everything will work out for the best as long as tc ties enough strings to her.

Or to sum it up in one sentence: people's BDSM lives and people's everyday lives aren't necessarily the same, and it's best not to make any assumptions about which part of someone's life is most important to them.



rallan

Ooh! Loved that last paragraph, rallan. That's a good motto (and the rest of your post is good, too).

Reading these posts, my thoughts went back to what Robert Frost said about choice, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference".

It's your friend choice to make and if you respect her, you let her make up her own mind.

As a second remark, I believe S/D can be compared with "Chado", the Japanese Tea ceremony which is based on four pilars, WA KEI SEI JAKU(harmony,respect, purity and tranquility).

Chado relates to Dominance and submission and is it thereby not so that one of the most profound aspects is that the guest is responsible for as much as the host.

In order for harmony, respect, purity and tranquility to be manifest the Dominant is obligated to enter the ceremony as the equal to the one in service. It is therebysaid that the tea ceremony epitomizes the true nature of beauty, humanity, awareness of self and the people and things around them.