First Time . . . bit nervous

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05-10-2005
CallMeSam

First Time . . . bit nervous

And I'm supposed to be the one in "control" . . .

Right, so I am extremely excited about this coming saturday for I have a date to make my first foray into the world of SM. I'm also quite nervous.

A little background will be in order, I suppose.

I live in Japan. My date is with a Japanese girl who's older and has some experience, but not alot, from what she's told me so far. She's enjoys pain. I am fairly sure I will enjoy causing her pain. I certainly know that I love to watch women willingly take pain and such. I'm not so big into the dominance aspect though. Perhaps that's just nervousness from this being the first time and all, but really alot of the dominance talk I've read here doesn't sound all that appealing to me.

I asked her what she'd most like to try, and she said she'd like to be whipped, which was the best answer I could have ever hoped for.

Except I know nothing about whipping someone. I've been doing all the reading I can, and it's been somewhat informative and all. I'm also sure that alot of this just has to be learned from being done.

I'm rambling, but hopefully you're getting the picture and all.

What is concerning me most at the moment is the beginning. I'm having quite a difficult time imagining beginning to whip someone. Thinking about the middle, or trying to imagine fun positions and such is quite a turn on, but thinking about the first whack is just nerve wracking.

I'm already a bit nervous about the whole situation, and I've got a language problem making it even more difficult to be concinvingly dominant. I'm tempted to have a drink or two to still my nerves and all, but I imagine that idea is going to be met with a slew of people telling me it's not a good idea to mix alcohol and whips.

Anyhow, what I really wanted was an outlet. Before last saturday I had never told another person I was into SM (hopefully me calling it SM doesn't bother anyone. It's just what they call it in this country, and I've gotten used to it). Now I've gotten myself into it and I felt like I had to tell it to someone even if it is a bunch of strangers in cyberspace.

I guess what I'm looking for is any and all advice anyone has to give relating to anything involving first times or whipping or other things. Like how do you usually mix the pleasure into it (aside from the pleasure derived from being whpiped of course)? Do I just whip her until I get tired/bored or she can't take it any more and then we fuck? I understand alot of this depends on her and what happens and other unknown factors, but I'm sure there are several general pointers, or tips for things that've worked well that you all could share.

So please, share away.
05-10-2005
funtime37

first date jitters

the first thing that i would like to say is take it one thing a a time. if she is experanced as you say she will walk you thru it as we say just act like it is the first date that it is. don't try and rush things. if things don't go as you planned at least make sure that you leave open a second date. some other things are where are you going to meet? where are you going after that? is dinner or lunch involved? some of the things to think about. more or less just think of it as a first date with a real chance of sex at the end with some whipping as foreplay. good luck. P.S. post here to let us know how it goes. :)
05-10-2005
csr

Callmesam;

Congrats on the journey you are embarking upon. You are right to be reading and asking and trying to learn before you jump in. Also, you are right that alot will depend on her, and hopefully she will guide you too. About the whipping thing... what are you going to be using? Some whips (like a single-tail) take practice to even be able to use. You would need to have a few sessions with a pillow first (pillows don't scream or whimper so you won't get as much satisfaction, but they're good to practice on!) to get the hang of it.
Floggers are much easier, but again...depending on the size, you might want some practice on a non-human.
Make sure you start slow and gentle. I can only really say for myself, but I believe most subs like to ease into things. Get a rhythm going. 25 medium swats get an area warm and stinging more than one hard one... and the real hard ones have more of a chance of doing real damage. Speaking of damage, watch out for sensitive areas like the spine or kidneys too.
Also, don't just focus on the pain giving. The talk is important too. If someone grabs me by the hair and says: I'm going to whip you now, it is as much of a rush as the whipping itself. You don't have to get all into the role-playing (if you come off as too fake, it's not all that exciting) but a little dominance is always good.
About the alcohol, you are correct that most people on this site will jump down your throat for even mentioning it. To be honest, I don't think it's all that bad, as long as you DO NOT have enough to cloud your judgment. If you wouldn't drive, then don't whip. Especially as a newbie. A couple of drinks may be a relaxer and get the conversation flowing, but keep control.

Good luck, play safe...and above all, enjoy. This should be fun.
05-11-2005
jaro_99

A great post!...and good advice. Myself I don't drink booze anyway and I do think you'd be better of not risking it.

The implement of choice is an important consideration *only* in terms of how you want to go about things. Starting with something familiar and easy to use is the best bet. A hand works well. A leather belt?

I think part of what you're asking is how you as the top or Dom will 'get into it'. Different people have different triggers or different persona or whatever. You'll find yours. The tip on talking I think is brilliant (I like to talk while topping anyway) because it allows you to experiment a bit with different types of scenario. Is she going to be naughty and need a spanking/caning? is it that she is a slut who will want to beg? Is it that she is so horny she needs a nice strapping to help her control her desires? All these are questions (and more you can think up) you can whisper in her ear (or shout as the urge takes you) as you're building things up - your own reactions and her responses could be a good guide as to how you want to play it out.

I think even if she is a pain slut you'll still want to discover your 'motivation'.

But get in close and get your own arousal working to overcome those initial jitters.

Most of all - don't be intimidated by the experience. Easy to say but we all go through it. Do as much as your comfortable with. Regardless of her possible reaction I'd say you're better off going a bit soft rather than too hard. Don't think you need to impress her. Its about safety for you both.

Enjoy it!

J
05-11-2005
Ruby

Great advice all.

Sam, good luck on your date!
05-12-2005
CallMeSam

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaro_99

I think part of what you're asking is how you as the top or Dom will 'get into it'. Different people have different triggers or different persona or whatever. You'll find yours. The tip on talking I think is brilliant (I like to talk while topping anyway) because it allows you to experiment a bit with different types of scenario. Is she going to be naughty and need a spanking/caning? is it that she is a slut who will want to beg? Is it that she is so horny she needs a nice strapping to help her control her desires? All these are questions (and more you can think up) you can whisper in her ear (or shout as the urge takes you) as you're building things up - your own reactions and her responses could be a good guide as to how you want to play it out.

See this is actually one of the things I'm apprehensive about. I mentioned I live in Japan and it's a Japanese girl who I'll be seeing. What I guess I forgot to mention is that I'm american and have only been living here for 9 months.

I did do quite a bit of heavy japanese study in college, so I'm pretty darn good at normal conversation. But I'm afraid that I was absent the day we went over how to say "you're a naughty little slut and you need to be punished". Not to mention how weird I'd feel saying that in english anyway. I feel weird just having typed it. It's just not my thing.

The fact that that kind of roleplay is slightly weird to me is probably contributing to why I'm nervous about the beginning. The roleplaying or the verbal scene creation would be a perfect way to make the beginning seem more natural.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure things will go more smoothly and be less awkward than they are in my head at the moment, so I'm probably not as jittery nervous as (I think) I seem to be.

On a side note, I hit myself with my belt today, just to get a sense of what it feels like. It was quite nice. A good clean stinging slap, just like I'd imagined. I can't wait to use it on Satoko! I wonder if it's odd that I can turn myself on by hitting myself with a belt because it makes me think about doing it to someone else . . .

Since I've got no one else to talk to about it, I'm sure I'll be back here to write about it after Saturday. Thanks for the advice.
05-13-2005
albear

Quote:

Originally Posted by CallMeSam

But I'm afraid that I was absent the day we went over how to say "you're a naughty little slut and you need to be punished".

ROFL! :D Yeah, if my japanese lessons contained those kinda subjects I might've stuck it out! Good luck on the ate-day! ;)