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My partner whom I love has a fantasy of having sex with me in front of another man and then allowing that man to sleep with me to show him how obedient I am and etc. I love the idea but I am very loyal and not sure how that would effect our relationship especially since it would kill me to see him have sex with someone else. Opinions and advice?
My thoughts, for what they are worth. I suspect it depends a little on what your situation is with you,and your partner to start with, as in, is it a 'vanilla' relationship that is kinky, or are you in a D/s situation etc etc. Either way, communication is your friend. Have you spoken to him about how you feel about him being with someone else-that may not be an issue at all, but it could well be that that will be the next suggestion.
from a kinky vanilla relationship point of view:
I have some personal experience, of being in an entirely 'vanilla' relationship dynamic with an ex who had a similar fantasy, it wasn't one of mine at all. Whenever it came up I would either change the subject or play along with the 'fantasy' of it for an easier life, hoping he would get bored of the whole thing. He didn't. He became obsessed with it, eventually I decided to tell him how I felt- that it did nothing for me at all and while I was happy to 'role play' or to keep it as a fantasy as part of our (monogamous) relationship, the reality of it did nothing for me, and in fact quite the opposite made me feel insecure and if anything turned off. So that was the end of that right...? Wrong, he would not or could not let it rest. I grew resentful that he insisted on talking about and pushing me into something that I clearly didn't want and started to think 'fine if you disrespect my feelings so much then I jolly well will go sleep with someone else and see how you like it' needless to say that relationship ended badly.
BUT you sound as if you are also interested in exploring this and that is an entirely different matter. only you know if your relationship will be up to introducing something like this, what I would say is that making the fantasy a reality will perminanely change your relationship dynamic not nessicarily in a bad way, but it will change it, so make sure you both know what you are getting into the risks and benefit of exploring this in real life and the potential fall out (and obviously be safe!).
From a BdSm point of view I can't really comment, maybe someone in here could help you with that? My feeling is that in a traditional D/s dynamic as a sub, your 'role' if you like, is to obey your Dom, exceptions being negotiated at the start of the relationship, so if a threesome was a hard limit for you, but has changed over time or vice verca, may be talk to him about it and go from there? But as I said, I couldn't advise you on that side of things.
Good luck with it all anyway!
xxisie.
Have you miswrote or are you getting ahead of yourself. Your partner will have sex with you then the other man will. How then is your partner having sex with anybody else? It'sa possible next step when your partner suggests doing it again but with a woman but thats another issue.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkanimegirl
In terms of bdsm loyalty and obendiance, the answer is clear. You should express your concerns to him. He may (should) then change his mind and drop the idea. If not you have the following options:
1) Do as you are told - that's obediance.
2) Add this to the list of hard limits in your relationship
3) End the relationship
4) Redefine the relationship so what bdsm says doesn't come into it.
The root problem here is a common one. It is the failure of the couple to establish soft and hard limits. On one level its understandable. You dont kick off relationship by listing like a lawyer drafting a contact all the things you wont do. But on another you would think the topic would come up in conversation or fantasy role play.
You must certainly talk it over. Who knows perhaps you will enjoy it. I can't see your partner just watching as the other man is in bed with you. It almost certainly is going to develop into a threesome. But on the other side it can be a dangerous roadl. What if it turns into a regular thing. What if the man pesters to have sex behind your partners back. What if your partner wants MFF and then develops strong feelings for the other woman. What if partner thinks he would like seeing you with another man but then when it happens it changes his feelings. Lots of pleasures with a threesome but lots of potential pains,. I have had threesomes (and more) on several occassions. I like them, it works for me but its not for everybody. Discuss it.
And there is the possibility to go half way. Lets say your partner makes you strip in front of him and another man. Maybe he spanks you. flogs you. Maybe he lets the other man spank you. Maybe you have to give both BJs. But no sex with the other man no sleeping. The benefit of going halfway is to tiptoe the water to see how both you and he feel about itl. You may change your minds.
Finally, should you decide to go through with it and are looking for the other man, I'd be happy to volunteer my services :)
My partner whom I love has a fantasy of having sex with me in front of another man and then allowing that man to sleep with me to show him how obedient I am and etc. I love the idea but I am very loyal and not sure how that would effect our relationship especially since it would kill me to see him have sex with someone else. Opinions and advice?
Your concerns are valid, and you should discuss them thoroughly with your partner before making any plans. Some questions to ask might include:
1. Why does he feel that you need to prove how obedient you are?
2. Would this other man be someone you both know or a stranger?
3. Is he willing to lose a friend (if it's someone you know) or you if this turns sour?
4. What about STDs or pregnancy?
5. If this is to be a stranger, where will this take place? In your home? A hotel? A swingers club?
6. Is this going to be a one-time thing or a regular occurrence?
7. If you do it more than once, will it be with the same person or someone new?
8. If it's the same person, is he going to be a part of your relationship or just a booty call?
9. Will your partner want tit-for-tat (to sleep with another woman)?
10. What if you like the other man?
11. What if you don't like the other man?