Discernment

I'm sure this must be covered somewhere, but I don't know under what to search.

Do you use any systems of checks and balances when evaluating a potential Dom? I want to be sure I'm being careful. Like many of you, I'm very trusting by nature, and having had so many partners, I'm a little paranoid/jaded about getting hurt again.

Being on the forums, seeing some of the genuine caring Dom/sub relationships out there, has given me hope, just... where and how to begin looking?

Thank you much,

Fauna

Hi.
I think it's a good question. I arrived at the Library with 0 experience but i found out quickly than i needed to be able to 'read between the lines' pretty well.
( I assume you are talking about descernment when meeting Someone OL?)

I read and read and read on the forums. Equiping myself with knowledge.
That was my 1st line of defense. Being able to descern the 'one hit wonders' from Dominants that actually understand and know the heart and mind of a submissive.

I always keep the following in mind during conversation:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ight=red+flags

Then a few things:

Not having any information whatsoever on their profile is usually a sign (IMHO) that i need to proceed with caution. Though that may be a generalisation it is an opinion held by quite a few submissives.

I look at the friends the Dominant has. No friends? And He/She has been here for years? It makes me feel uneasy. Again just my opinion.

As you read the forums, you will see that there are many Dominants that answer questions and are well-respected in this community. You also learn a lot about Them even when they play the games section. Those Dom(me)s are the ones you want to get to know.


I don't really go to the chatroom. Maybe someone else can give you advice on how to descern there.

And then the path i followed (and it brought me to my Master :) )
First conversation through the PM here. Only after a few conversations did i give Him my IM handle. (I like to take it slow... The ones out for a quick...um... fix usually don't have the patience for this. And believe me... A good Dom(me) will have that patience and understand your need for feeling safe)
Although there were loads of chemistry and excitement we didnt play OL before i knew a few things about His philosophy on being a Dom, having a sub etc.
When that connected well with my ideas......well...... magic.... *grin*

Meeting form OL to RL is another topic which is covered extensively on the forums. If you struggle to find it, let me know and i will send you the link.

Keep safe
vicki